Everything Will Change
by WonderousPlaceForAnEcho
Summary: A deeper look into Jessie and Katie's relationship. Bits of dialog from the show and told from Katie's perspective. Rated T for occasional swearing, discussion of anorexia and physical abuse.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Title is from the song brand new colony by the postal service that I always felt would make a great theme song for their relationship and Jessie is 16 while Katie is 17. Jessie is a Junior, Katie a Senior, sorry that doesn't exactly keep in line with the show. Please review if you'd like to and you can send a message if you have any questions and I hope I don't offend anyone even though I don't think anything discussed here is offensive.

I don't own the show or the characters

* * *

Another day, another pointless party and another pointless conversation as I'm being crowded around by all these people as if I just fell down some stairs and I'm lying flat on my back. But its just another party, something to do in typical, dull suburbia. And all I have to do is talk about something and they'll just nod their heads as the sincerity is lost. That's all this really is… just a social moment and wasted words where people don't hear because they're trying so hard to agree with me. And why is that? Because I'm popular? Because somehow I catch people's attention? Well I don't want it. I'm tired and it just seems as though I'm here for people's amusement. "crazy Katie" always the first one to start dancing even when the music is lame. Sad this is if I start dancing to mock the people here they join in not knowing.

It's like I'm some oddly sarcastic Daria from MTV that no one's picking on. . so here I am leaning against a wall with some people around me that don't actually understand me and I'm surprised that I on occasion respond after someone talks. I sometimes can't believe the things that come out of my mouth in a second natured reply. I can't help but smile because I'm thinking of the flick rules of attraction, which isn't very good…but still…I can just see my "friends" giving me the oddest stares if I said some of the shit some guy says in the movie-"sometimes I feel like my life lacks forward momentum, you know?"

God, forget it, I'm going out to the pool. I politely excuse myself, cause you know I'm just so nice like that, although I can't wait when my sarcasm just snaps out of me one day. But luckily I'm outside, breathing in the night air that's kind of calming in a way, leaning onto the railing. There's no one out here and I'm in the mood for that…aloneness. I take a seat next to the pool after I've taken off my shoes. I dip my toes in and run my hands along the water. It's warm enough…I get back up, standing tall, raise my hands over my head and think for half a second…what if I hit my head at the bottom, there's no one here and blah blah blah, its already too painstakingly boring in my head to be that cautious. I jump in, it's five feet deep, good enough. It's crisp and clear, nice really. I decide to stay under for what seems like four minutes, which really feel like eight. The ache in my lungs feels good and I surface, gasping for air. Thank god I'm wearing a green tank top instead of a white one, that would really suck. Ugh, some creepy guys looking at me that would be great I think to myself as I shake my head, diverting the thought away with the realization I'm wearing my comfy dark pants. I always hated wet clothes sticking to me anyways.

I glance around, enjoying the break from everyone, swimming quietly …out of the corner of my eye I see someone sitting in a chair. I almost have a heart attack, who the heck else would be out here? I focus my eyes, they're blurry from the water. I move closer against the edge of the pool and…what the hell is a fifteen year old doing here? Ok, maybe she's not fifteen, but she looks so small, not really young, just small…like, too skinny. Her eyes are closed and she looks like she's sleeping. I slowly get out of the pool, I don't want to wake her, but then again if me jumping in didn't wake her…as I get closer I notice she's laid out on a lawn chair. And I'm practically looming over her I realize the area under her eyes look tired and grey. Jesus Christ her wrists are so small. Her lips are really chapped…what is...why does she have blood on her lip? Jesus Christ, my arms are acting before I can think, they're lightly shaking her, she's still not waking , I shake her a little harder, it seems like ten minutes have passed and my heart is about to implode, not explode…it feels like its caving in. her eyes are opening, she very slowly stretches out her arms which were tucked into her chest, she opens her eyes wider and looks at me in confusion, frowning…


	2. Chapter 2

"Are you ok?" I ask hesitantly. She frowns more…I guess that wasn't the right question, but what else am I suppose to ask?

"Yeah I was just tired…it was too loud inside, why do you ask?" she says in a near whisper.

"I um saw that your lip..is bleeding," I reply glancing at her lips, "just wanted to make sure you were OK," I finish lightly.

"Oh," she replies touching her lip, looking at her fingers tips, "yeah I was..biting my lip forever in there..they..this all makes me kinda nervous," she mumbles as her hand moves in a motion as if dismissing her discomfort.

"Heh, you don't have to worry about that. Everyone in there is worried about themselves. That's the trick," I say trying to lighten the mood.

"Oh I wish someone had told me that..before I ate my lip," she says joking back.

"Hehe yeah, hey stay right here…I'll be back and I promise I won't bring a crowd of people with me," I say as I reach out for the door handle. I get inside and make my way to the food table or the area that someone decided to lay out the food and soda haphazardly. There's the cheap soda, beer to compensate for the cheap soda, chips, surprisingly some veggies and dip. I grab a plate and try to get some things and grab a coke since that has caffeine in it. I make my way outside without anyone really noticing me and breathe out a sigh of relief as I shut the door behind me, the loudness cutting off.

"Hey, I brought you something that might make you wake up and do you need some food, there's veggies here, but it's just a rumor that they're healthy for you so don't be scared of them," I say trying to make light of my randomness.

"Thank you, you didn't have to do that," she replies as I set the plate down on a table that's near the lawn chair.

"No problem, I figure its dark out..we need our night vision. What better ways to help with that than carrots," I say as I take a carrot, dip it in some ranch and bit into it.

"What, I thought they help you with vision…all together."

"Nope, someone lied to you, eat enough of it and you can be a cat…an orange cat," I say smiling. "Great night vision I tell you, you're on your way to becoming a spy at any moment."

She smiles and stares at the food. "Is the dip fat free?" she asks in a near whisper.

"Ahhh I didn't actually check, there wasn't a lid lying around exactly," I say in my odd conflicted tone that I have when I try not to sound sarcastic.

"Oh..yeah..ok."

"What do you care about fat free dip? You're skinny, you don't need to worry about it, just eat and drink some soda, caffeine is a god!" I say joking around again. She doesn't smile back, she looks...sad in a way.

"Haha, yeah," she says smiling lightly… "is it diet…the soda," she asks looking away.

"Um no, just coke…and some beer but I figured since beer is disgusting I'd leave it in there…"

She nods as I trail off. "Why do you care anyways…really, you're skinny."

"No I'm not," she says sadly and coldly.

"Yes, you are," I say as I take her hand gently. I wouldn't usually do this, I've only just met her but there's no reason for someone to think like that when that's clearly not the case.

She looks up again just as someone opens the door and screams, "Hey! Get in here the party is picking up!" Four people come out and grab me, not listening as I almost scream I'm talking with someone. By now we've stopped holding hands, she dropped mine the second some lame moron screamed. Ugh, of course that lame moron is Russel, but hey, that's just him and I love him for his strong personality but people are pulling me into the house that smells of sweat and this guy…Eli or something is waiting by the door to go out, I guess for a cigarette or whatever and I'm blocking his way as I try to stop my friends from pulling me deeper into the house. I give him a look that hopefully says sorry and then angrily glancing at my god damned friends. They pull me in with one last shove and for the next two maybe three hours, I have no idea, I don't wear a watch and its all a blur. Not from alcohol or anything mostly boredom, so I drive home, walk up the steps heavily, my legs are so tired and my bed waits for me. I fall into it after taking off my nearly dry clothes that got wet after someone decided to take the party outside and play with the hose. I'm asleep before I can even think to count to ten.

Next day-

I can't believe I got in at three. No, I can believe that, it's not like I haven't done that before, just means I'll be half awake for English, which I really don't mind at all. I'm dressed in a few minutes, an old tshirt that's worn thin with a semi-new sweater and a black skirt, ahhhh I'm too tired to care what's going on. Somehow I manage to get to school and English class with Grace who I swear pays too much attention in that class. It's not healthy. She looks close to drooling over Mr. Dimitri for some reason, though I'm not one to judge a guy but still. Two highly caffeinated drinks later and I'm "myself" the upbeat, crazy person that people like to talk to. The bell rings after second period…what was that lecture on..aha…Tad! I make my way through the people and mess up his hair as he's talking to someone who I can't see, since he's blocking them with his damned tallness.

"Ahhh, what the hell," he says turning around. "Ah, hey Katie, you're such a pain" he continues as he shakes his head.

"Heh yeaaah, but you love it. Your day just wouldn't be complete," I say as I put my elbow on his shoulder, leaning into his to say yeah, that's right, mwahaha you love me.

"Yeah yeah, well thanks for rudely interrupting me as I was talking to Jessie…" he says with a hint of annoyance as he nods his chin towards her.

"How rude of Tad for not introducing us, god..where is his mannors?" I say jokingly.

He huffs and kind of rolls his eyes…"Katie, this is Jessie, Jessie-Katie."

She looks at me confused. "Hi," she says unsure of herself.

I wave my hand that's on Tad's shoulder. "Hi," I reply just as the bell rings and she gets this weird look where she just realized we met last night. "I'm sorry, I have to go," I say to Jessie, "I'm about to absence out of trig and I need those days for something worthwhile," I say to Tad knowing quite well that he'll have another party soon. We all diverge our separate ways and I can't help but wonder if this day is real…for once it's actually going to be interesting.

Whatever the teacher was talking about in my last class is beyond me. I keep thinking about Jessie…she looked different. Could be that there was actual lighting this time instead of dim lights from the pool, but she just looked…

"Katie Singer, do you have the answer to the question? Or are you too amused by the wall to understand what I'm saying," asked my wonderfully nice teacher. Ugh! I guess I was staring off…fine-I can be just as nice as him. I touch my fingers gently against my head and close my eyes for a longer period of time than a usual blink and respond slowly for emphasis, "yeah, sorry…since the accident, the doctors said that the migraines are normal.." I say trailing off making it seem like I'm lost in thought again.

He blinks and gives me a sympathetic look, "Sorry to hear that, if you need prolonged time on your homework talk to me after class." He says and then goes back to the class.

Nice! _You can't get by without a couple of lies_ I think in my head. After all everyone lies. The class goes by faster now and I think some more about Jessie…how does she know Tad? Does she remember me? Does she think I'm completely strange giving her two different impressions from me talking to her yesterday and me tackling Tad this morning? The bell rings and I turn to pick up my things as I slowly get up. "Katie," my teacher says gently.

"Yes," I reply quietly gathering my books and crap, got to keep up the act.

"If you need extra time to get some work done it's fine, just try to not get behind, alright? You're a good student," he says nicely.

"Thank you…but I'm sure I can handle the work, thanks anyway." I try to look preoccupied, "I have to get to my next class, thanks," and I walk out, get past the corner and burst into a smile…oh yeaah. And the Oscar goes to…hah no..but that girl in that movie…Volver..she was good. Anyways..god Katie, talk about ADD…and why am I referring to myself in the third person? I'll be honest, some ADHD. Just as I finish that thought and turn another corner I run into someone and my books and their books splatter across the floor, some papers falling out of binders in the process.

"I'm sorry," I say in an odd tone..the type where I'm annoyed at myself but no one can figure that out. I reach for a paper, glance at it to make sure it's mine, it says Psychologist Appointment at….

"It's ok, its not your fault," a sweet, quiet voice says. Ok, so I didn't run into a guy, a plus, but I recognize that voice…

"Jessie?" Crap! Note to self: stop talking out loud and stop saying note to self in your freaking head!

"Hm," she says gently as though I asked a question.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you...again." God why can't I say something funny…where's the Singer charm? "In case you forgot I'm.."

"I remember," she says quietly, cutting me off, "from last night..hi Katie," she says with a light smile. At last I exhale slowly. Why am I so nervous? Maybe because I ran into a girl and that's awkward no matter no matter who it is, unless it's Tad…hey!

"How do you kow Tad," I ask in a less nervous voice, trying to make light of the moment as we pick up the last few papers.

"Oh..he…I don't really know. He and my brother Eli kinda know each other so he just started talking to me one night as I was waiting for Eli to get out of practice, they came out together and I guess that's it," she says nervously. I hand her the psychologist paper making it seem like I didn't read it, but she looks around more nervous than before. I feel bad, she doesn't have to be nervous, it's just me…

"I have to go," she says quickly.

"Alright..I'm sorry for running into you, hopefully I'll see you later…and there will be a lack of papers flying through the air," I say lamely as she takes a step away, she turns around a bit and smiles.

"Hopefully," she says.

Later…

Lunch comes around and I haven't seen Jessie around, but hey its lunch so that means…no, not gossip, that means food! I'm so happy to get to lunch that while I'm peering into my bag I made the night before and can't remember what I put into it I run into someone. "Ah, this is happening to me so much today, I'm sorry," I say in a rushed manor. This really is embarrassing as my apple rolls down the hall…

"Don't worry about it," a quiet response comes out. "Maybe third times the charm, next time you see me we might not actually run into each other," she continues with a small smile and slight laugh as she speaks. God, she's adorable.

"Hey, to make it up to you would you like to sit with me..I can tell you all about how I fell down some stairs and nearly took out five students coming up them," I say with a small wink.

"Really?" she looks at me, a smile creeping up. We walk to the table as Tad comes up from behind us and puts his arm over my shoulder, I shake my head, what can I do? The guy doesn't get anything, even non-subtle clues have been lost to him.

"Well no that didn't happen, but I did push Tad down some stairs once, it was fun, you should try it," I say with a huge smile just to show Tad I'm teasing him..well half teasing.

"Hey now, if you keep that up you won't be invited to my party this weekend," he says with a very obvious wink.

"Tad, it's Monday, why are you worrying about a party days from now?" I ask out loud, it's not like Tad to plan ahead.

"Well I have to plan it and make sure important people will be attending,'' he states, glancing longingly at Jessie. Great..fun times..alright, that's ok..breathe…I love Tad. I don't even know Jessie, so for all I know she could be playing the cute and innocent thing and is going to break his heart…wait, Tad has a heart? Ok kidding and I'm thinking to myself again..I made a note to myself, what the heck! But really, tad likes her…so where's the off switch for being interested in someone? I need to find it…Tad and I can't like the same girl and she's straight.

"So Katie are you in?" Tad asks nicely.

"Well let's see. If I don't show up you won't really enjoy yourself..because after all who's going to show up if I don't," I say with my tongue sticking out to the side.

"Alright Katie you're set, how about you Jessie?" he asks her in almost a pleading way, it's cute in a sense.

"Um, I'll think about it," she says weakly. I glance over to her, she doesn't seem to enjoy the idea. She seems uncomfortable…ugh, why does a yawn have to come out of me right now? I feel so rude, I quickly try to cover my mouth but my hand seems to be going in slow motion. Jessie laughs though even after she tried to suppress it.

"What?" I ask with a frown. I mean why is she laughing, I'm so confused.

"Nothing..just what time did you wake up?"

"At the crack of dawn," I say with a lift in my voice.

"Hm and what time is that," she asks with a curious, joking tone.

"Nine o'clock thank you very much..is it that obvious?"

"You look kinda tired..and you seem to be moving pretty slowly."

"Hah, well I'll live. I have study hall first period so I have every right to sleep in," I say with a serious nod.

She laughs some more…Jesus Christ I could listen to her laugh for hours…it's official, I'm going to do all I can to make this girl laugh. Too late to say something in an attempt to be witty, bell rings and students get up to dump their trays and wander back to their classes to learn nothing. The irony of it all, we go to school to learn but we learn nothing of value. Someone taps me on the shoulder, where's my head?

"Katie, earth to Katie…you might want to get going," a sweet voice says.

"Oh, thanks Jessie and thanks for not yelling..my head can't take it."

"Sure thing, so I'll see you later."

"Yeah, hopefully," I say mimicking her words. Now I have to get to my locker and take some aspirin before my next class, onward with the pointlessness.


	3. Chapter 3

The last bell finally rings. I wander through the halls trying to avoid anyone that wants to talk about hair, clothes, whatever they want or are complaining about. There's an overly colorful poster up saying there's a drama club play try-outs. Naturally being bored to death and wanting to avoid my house and parents that enjoy disregarding my existence I snuck into the back of the auditorium which meant bumping into a chair that will inevitably leave a bruise. I bite my lip to stop from saying anything. After I finally find a seat out of view from everyone I immediately start to tune out my surroundings, but someone with this…amazing voice made me pay attention, almost an impossible thing to do. But this girl's voice was stunning. It was angelic and emotional. Hard to tie together because I figure everything that is viewed as angelic is also stigmatized as naïve. This girls voice was raw. She seemed as if she had some secret hidden in it. Maybe I was just delusional or reading into her sound too much but it's how it seemed. When it was over I realized that the girl was Jessie. Well that was unexpected…and I think everyone else is taken aback a little since its dead quiet in here. I don't think she knows how to take it as a compliment because she seems to be nervous and starts to pull at her sleeve. Everyone is just staring at her..crap she hates it when people stare at her…the party thing and the conversation playing in my head. I start clapping, what the hell it was amazing. Others join in and she loosens her shoulders and relaxes a little. She glances around the room, see's me, and gives me a subtle smile. Aha, saved her. Small point for me. She exists the stage and another girl comes on. I tune out again because now I'm distracted by the idea of Jessie singing. People go on and off stage with seemingly less clapping that what Jessie received. Ok Katie, try to focus on your homework or you'll never get to watch Buffy tonight. I can't believe that no one but my brothers know about my obsession, but how can I help it? Willow is adorable. Shy, but smart, just the way I like 'em. Anyways…focus on the homework which means nothing but a waste of time.

Soon enough as I just got through my English that involved an analysis on Shakespeare who is overrated in my book, the auditions are over. I mean come on, the guy uses the same techniques in all his plays, some just happen to be more dark than others and they're timeless but I enjoyed putting a small rant in about his female characters being second and his sexism with the women are evil theme and blah blah blah. Luckily that's done and so are the auditions, Jessie comes out with Grace Manning? Random. Tad goes up to Jessie first. The compliment rain down so he can't look like a moron. She blushes a little and turns to me.

"hey, I didn't know you were interested in drama club activities Katie," she says with sincerity.

"I'm not I just had time to kill, but I'm glad I did otherwise I wouldn't have been able to hear you, you were amazing." She blushes some more but remains sincere with a sweet thank you in response.

"So Grace," I say turning to her, taking my attention away from Jessie for a moment, "you never told me you and Jessie were friends."

"We're not," she says in an indifferent tone, "she's my step-sister," she continues. Jessie looks a little uncomfortable at the comment.

Ahhhh what the hell, think fast! "Well we can't all be lucky to have a step-sister to at some point steal some jewelry from, I only have brothers, my wrist with a huge watch on it wouldn't work," I respond. Way to bullshit your way through an awkward moment there. At least they laugh and the moment passes.

"Hey, we gotta get going," Grace says.

"Alright," says Tad who stands on the side, left out.

"Shit," Grace mumbles in an exasperated tone, "I promised Mr. Dimitri I would help him with this new club idea for school. Tad can you give Jessie a ride home?" she asks almost pleading.

"No, sorry Manning, I've got practice in about ten minutes. Sorry Jessie," he adds.

"I'll take her, if you want," I offer looking at Jessie. She seems to relax a little more, being asked directly instead of essentially being passed around.

"That'd be great," she says.

"Right then," Grace says checking her watch… "gotta go," she just about dashes off to her next engagement.

"See you girls later, sorry again Jessie I can't take you," Tad says in shock sincerity. He may be kinda, well…dense, but he has a good heart. He walks away with his huge sports bag on his shoulder.

"Don't be pummeled there Thadeus. We all know you bruise easily," I shout back jokingly.

"Yeah, from your boney knuckles Katie! And hey!" His last words as he leaves out the double doors. I can't help but laugh at that, he's gotten plenty of bruises from moi.

"So you and I are going on an excursion. To your house it is," I say with a smile. "I love driving around with people, it's more fun, makes the drive better."

"Agreed," Jessie says with a smile. Crap, I think it's going to be hard not to try and make this girl smile.

"Now where do you live," I ask as we head out the doors. She explains as we exit the school and head for my car. Just as we get in it hits me she lives about two streets away-unexpected moment of the day number two. We chat about how close we live to one another, what classes we hate, how school should start later, in my opinion at noon when I'm willing to be conscious and there's that smile and laugh again. I can't believe we only met yesterday, it's one of the first times I've been able to actually talk to someone. Hm, I think and apparently said out loud when I'm deeply concentrating on many things.

"What," Jessie asks suddenly, stirring me back to our conversation.

"Oh..I was just thinking how we met randomly by accident. You know, rather serendipitously." I smile to myself, I love that word and the movie is cute.

"Nice five dollar word you got there. And yes, I have to say it was random, but I'm glad it happened, cause now I don't have to ride with Grace driving like a maniac," she laughs to herself. "I swear she almost hit a mailbox," she laughs some more. I can't help laughing along.

"Well, I'm proud to say I have not taken any lives of innocent mailboxes but I am prone to not slowing down at the yellow lights. It just means speed up a little to miss the kinda pink lights which aren't as bad as the mean red ones." I joke, she laughs some more, clearly enjoying this little conversation.

"You're crazy," she replies through laughter.

"You didn't get the neighborhood notice someone escaped from the insane asylum? That was me. Shhhh don't tell." I wink at her. This only makes her look at me in disbelief and laugh some more. I just about pull into her drive way when she says, "thank you very much, I haven't laughed this much all day, school makes me just about want to sky dive to avoid it and I'm afraid of heights." She says looking to the side.

"Hah, I used to be afraid of heights, but then I realized it's just the falling I'm worried about so I pretend I'm not where I am at that moment and it works out," I respond rambling on, without my realization until I'm done. But Jessie doesn't seem to mind, she just laughs, smiles and says, "I never thought about it that way, I'll try it." She gets out of the car and stares at me for a moment. "Thank you, it was really nice of you to go out of your way," she says sweetly.

"No problem Jessie. If I'm ever around and the option is either Grace or myself it's always your choice. I'll see you tomorrow at our wonderful hell-hole our government mislabeled as a school." She laughs and walks to her house. I wait until she gets inside and drive away to my wonderful abode of uncomfortable living.

The next day goes smoothly. Classes are somewhat a breeze accept for the occasional mandatory participation. Later..three fourths of the way through I spot Jessie in a study hall. She's working diligently as opposed to almost everyone else who's playing cards, reading teen people or reading crappy Harry Potter. I sneak in as the teacher gets a call on his cell phone and becomes distracted. I take the seat next to her. "Hey, you know what I don't get? The teachers can use cell phones and we can't in school. Madness I say, pure contradiction," I say in a whisper. She laughs quietly and smiles widely.

"Good point but what are you doing here? Do you have class," she asks concerned.

"I'm good, I have study hall and I'm skipping it to make sure my legs are still working, patrol the halls so..um..yeah..no idea where I was going with that," I say with a confused face. She laughs more and stares at me, but in a way that doesn't make me feel like I'm here to entertain her like everyone else; she just stares as if she's trying to figure me out. She shakes her head as if to come back to reality.

"Nice," she says happily. I frown a bit after a few thoughts pop into my head. "Ever feel like you don't fit in anywhere, like you don't belong in any group that's here? You know..like you're just here walking around unseen even if people talk to you, they don't really…know you? What a stupid question. I think that was a completely stupid question," I say getting nervous since the subject of our conversation changed so quickly. I sit back in my chair and rub my hand on my thigh.

"No, I know what you mean," is all Jessie says and I relax.

"Oh, ok well..I'll talk to you later class is about to end, I'll see you after school, I bet you got into the play," I say as I stand up, taking a few steps towards the door, the teacher still doesn't notice.

"Alright," she says with a smile, "see you then." I walk out of class, achieve getting my books, going to the last two periods and making it to rehearsal that Jessie and Grace both managed to get in. Tad's already there. He's surprised to see me, but jumps right into talking about Jessie.

"Isn't she amazing? She's not like the other girls, no offense Katie, but she's way hotter than you," he says with a huge grin that resembles a little boy after he gets a piece of sugar filled candy.

"Thank you, as touching as that was, yes, she's very nice." I say to hide the happiness in my voice by downplaying it. "Now shut up, they're about to sing," I add in, so I don't have to hear Tad talk about how hot Jessie is in detail. About an hour later, after all my homework is done everyone was stirring and getting ready to go home. Again Grace had to talk to Mr. Dimitri who I find painstakingly dull and Tad left about half an hour ago for practice. Grace asked again if I would mind taking Jessie. I looked at Jessie and joked about it being such a burden.

"No, I wouldn't but only if it's OK with Jessie." I smile at her.

"I'm all for it, just let me go to my locker, Grace, I'll see you at home." With Jessie's approval Grace disappeared quickly and Jessie was left to walk to her locker with me following. On the way she slowed down. "You know what you were saying about not feeling as though you belong," she asks quietly. I nod and give an Mhmm. "Well I get what you meant, but it's not just in school…since my parents divorce…I've had to share a house and everyone is all mixed together and trying to make it work that I guess I don't get to talk to my dad as much since he's wrapped up with Lily and my mom's become so involved in her work and I can't really talk to Eli anymore because he's doing whatever new things he does. Then I come here…and I haven't really made any real friends, you know…people that I can actually talk to or at least people who will accept me…for my thoughts or screwed up life..."she trails off.

"Jessie your life isn't screwed up and trust me it'll get better. I didn't know Eli was your brother though and as far as friends go it's hard to find people here that are actually willing to accept you for your thoughts. You think my friends" I say with hand motions, "care about what I think? They don't care that I read maybe two to three books a week of that I volunteer at an animal shelter on the weekends, they care about if I can show up to a party. Maybe it'll get better and they'll become less self involved about outward appearances, or maybe you'll come across some people who you can talk to and I'm rambling, sorry," I say looking at the wall.

"No, I'm glad you can say what you're thinking. Anyways, this is what I'm talking about," she say quietly once she's reached her locker, "I don't have conversations like this with anyone, well..except you." She continues as she turns the dial and retrieves her things. She frowns for a second. "You read two to three books a week," she says curiously.

"Hey, I'm no scarecrow, I have a brain!" I say defensively. I can't help it, people think I'm dumb because I don't pay attention in school or something.

"No, no, that's not what I meant. I was just wondering what you read…or what you're reading now," she asks softly.

"Hm..since this is a big secret, you can't tell anyone about the books, they're very sensitive to who knows about them," I reply with a smile and she laughs so I continue, "right now-Sex, Drugs and Coco Puffs. It's kind of funny since its written by this pretentious sounding guy, but he makes me sad when he mocks bands like Coldplay, since I love them, no matter how simple their lyrics are and also Stick Figure about this girl that fights her eating disorder." Jessie keeps nodding her head and then inhales sharply. I look at her worried.

"My backpack just hurt my shoulder, it's kind of heavy," she says switching it to the other shoulder with a nonchalant tone.

"Happens to me all the time, so getting homework done during your rehearsal makes me happy but anyways the book is really good, its really um…in depth. So far I like it, its sad but she explains why she doesn't eat. I mean…I used to not eat three meals a day," I say with a whisper even though no ones around, "It's just easier to not eat when you..feel so..empty. Ah sorry, you don't want to hear my thoughts," I stop abruptly.

"No, I don't mind at all," she replies quietly, but in a non-judgmental tone. "No one else would talk about that here to just about anyone…" she trails off. We're in the car now, she turns towards me and just smiles. After I start up the car I ask her if she'd mind some music.

"Not at all," she says happily.

"How about some Keane," I say contently.

"never heard of them, but if you like Coldplay I'm sure your taste in music isn't as bad as Grace's." she jokes.

"Keane it is then," I smile to her and we drive to her house quietly with Jessie concentrating on the lyrics, me focusing on the road. She glances at me on occasion and I pretend as though I haven't noticed. She doesn't seem to freak out at the thought that I didn't east so much in the past, that's a plus. I can't believe I can actually talk to her, it's so easy. We're at her house already and stays in her seat, relaxed.

"I like them, they're good, really…calming and poetic in a way," she says as soon as I put the car in park.

"Yeah I had that thought too after I listened to a few songs, but since I've had this cd for a while and you seem to like them, you wanna borrow it?"

"No, I couldn't." she says as though I'm giving her twenty dollars.

"I insist, please. And then you can tell me if you like them completely since you only got a sample and you can tell me what's your favorite song," I say smiling.

"Alright, thank you again. Oh and I forgot…if you want to talk some more about…what we were talking about before here's my number," she says as she tears a small piece of paper out of her notebook. I blush since this is kind of implies that she wants to talk with me more, possibly..hopefully. "You know, since real conversations are rare," she continues.

"Thanks," I say sincerely.

"Sure thing, call if you can tear yourself away from the books," she says with another smirk and slight wink to top it off. Oh Jesus Christ, be still my heart. I just smile back unable to speak. She gets out of the car and heads in, again I wait for her to get inside until I drive off. By the time I'm home I've got a goofy grin attached to my face. I put her phone number next to the phone, fall on my bed, pick up my book that slept snuggled in my blankets and tried to calm down. An hour later my eyes get tired, I fall asleep and dream about driving in my car with Jessie. I wake up, still happy and realize it's time for dinner. I go downstairs, cook myself a meal and since there doesn't seem to be anyone home as usual I thank some higher being, if there is one for granting me the ability to be a natural chef. After I finish and wash everything off I realize that's one of the reasons I didn't eat in the past. No one seemed to care if I starved to death in this house…on one's here. I guess it's just become second nature for me to be alone. Once I realize this..I want to share it with someone and who better than Jessie? I walk slowly up to my room thinking about ways to say hi to Jessie. In a few short minutes were talking and she sounds happy I called. I ask her how she's doing, she says better now that I've called and knows I don't want to talk about what happened last night on Friends she jokes. Why is this rare I wonder, but I'm too happy to answer my question so we talk until her dad tells her he needs to use the phone. We say goodnight and take a few more minutes to get off the phone since I hate hanging up first, which leads to some laughs and having to explain to Jessie my odd OCD. She laughs some more and finally hangs up, leaving me to hang up after, more content than before to have found someone to call, a friend to ask how they're doing and know they want to know how you're doing as well.


	4. Chapter 4

Days went by and I kept sneaking into Jessie's study hall and driving her to her house after rehearsals even though Grace could sometimes drive her. Though I don't think Grace cared because sometimes I'd catch her smiling at Jessie and me when we're talking or laughing together. She even began to sit at our lunch table with the other guys and Tad seemed to enjoy that factor very much. It seemed everyday Jessie and I became closer and closer and we talked about everything and we we're really comfortable in a laid back, open sense. We talked about everything except if she wanted Tad to ask her out or if I wanted to date any of the guys at school. I keep thinking to myself Tad is my best friend, I shouldn't like this girl, I shouldn't spend so much time with her and I shouldn't be interested in her, but I don't think you can help who you're attracted to. It's not a choice; it's a mix of emotions and those ever pesky hormones.

That day in school was painfully dull and seemingly more useless than usual since it was a few days before break and the teachers really didn't care to stick to their lesson plans if they had any at all. I coerced Jessie into skipping the last four classes with me and go to her house to just talk. I mean, the way I see it there's only so much we can learn about the Pythagorean theorem anyways and all that other math work. It's not like I'm going to go to a grocery store and pick up a can of tomato sauce and say-hey what's the radius of this? So I drove to her house, we lay down in her bed and began to talk…about the future and what we wanted in general. I wanted to live in London and work, idealistically have an art gallery, enjoy the city and bask in the culture and get away from this boring, suburban town while Jessie wanted a ranch and horses, she said she wanted me to come visit her. My heart couldn't take anymore, she looked at me with these hopefully, soft eyes and it made me want to kiss her. I moved my whole body over more so I wouldn't have to lean over and see a freaked out face. She didn't seem to mind that I moved closer, she moved closer too. I can't screw this up. I need to remain calm. I'll let her move closer if she wants to, but I won't do anything in the mean time. Ah, Jesus, she thinks we'll be a friend in the future, that's so sweet. She thinks we'll get to the point that I'll stay at her house and she'll visit me in London. She's just staring at me…maybe because I'm staring at her…

The door just opened and there's...Lily? Crap, kill me now. We must look as though we've seen a ghost. Why is Lily here?

"Girls, what are you doing here?" She asks mirroring my thoughts, "school doesn't get out for another hour. Did you come home sick..or are you skipping," she asks in a parental tone.

Jessie glances at me worried. I figure if I want to be let in this house ever again we might as well tell the truth. So naturally I speak up so Jessie doesn't get into any more trouble.

"We skipped, I just couldn't stand to be there anymore and I asked Jessie if she wanted to come. It's not her fault at all," I say almost pleading.

"Well Katie you might have simply persuaded her, but she should have known to not skip, she can talk to her dad when he gets home. Thanks though Katie for telling me, I can't tell you how many times I get lies at work. I don't want it following me home, but if you wouldn't mind I think you should go to your house and Jessie will talk to you in school tomorrow," she says in a tone that isn't up for debate but still manages to be nice about it.

"Alright, I'm sorry Mrs. Manning," I say back sincerely, after all she could have been really mean about it. As I head for the door I worry a little in the back of my head. It's not that I think what we did was horrible. I just don't like people thinking I'm corrupting their children.

Soon I'm in the car and heading to my house. After I think it over some more I realize Jessie has a trick her dad may not know about. I call it the blue eyes power. All she has to do is look at him, open her eyes a little bigger, smile and say Daddy and she pretty much gets what she wants. Maybe she won't get such a big punishment. I know this power works cause she does it on me when she knows I'm willing to budge; I swear she times it just right. She's gotten so many things-candies from the machines at school, the occasional hot chocolate and hugs. The hugs part I don't mind. Anyways Jessie calls me later than night; she sneaks away after she asks Grace to cover for her.

"Hi there," I say almost happily, still nervous I got her into trouble.

"I'm ok, it wasn't so bad. I got three days of being grounded so I can't talk on the phone and I can only go to school, the rehearsals, home and only go outside when my family does, but," she says in a sneaky tone, "I can go online, because I told my dad that I had to do a project and it involved a lot of intense internet searching." She says in a happy tone.

"Mhmm I doubt that was the only thing that got you only three days with the internet," I say teasing her.

"What are you talking about," she asks in an exasperated tone as though she's completely innocent. She doesn't even realize what she does to him half the time, it comes so second nature to her to pull one over him. I've seen it done again and again and she learnt it from her mother no less! She learned that crafty skill from her own parent to use against the other parent, its madness, amusing madness though.

"You did your thing you do," I say continuing to tease her.

"Really, what are you talking about?" she asks becoming confused and annoyed by her confusion.

"You did that thing, with your eyes…that puppy dog thing that you learned from your mom," I say with complete confidence. Jessie thinks it's funny when I get that tone because I can't be argued with. I am highly skilled in being stubborn.

"I do not do that," she says defensively.

"Do too. You Sammler women have a thing that puts your victim into a trance and leaves then unable to say no and before it hits them they've been swindled and disoriented to the point that they don't remember what they intended to do. That's your trade mark, you learned it from your mother and she probably learned it from her mother. You're witches I bet. The secret is learned!" I say with a certain tone that seems as if I've discovered the city of Atlantis. Jessie seems to find this very funny and still denies it, but she laughs so my goal is accomplished.

"Again, Miss Singer, I have no idea what you're talking about," she says playfully.

"Fine, fine, but next time your mom does it or you do it I will gladly point it out to you as if my reason to live is to point it out to you," I say back with mock humor. "By the way, you have her eyes, that's how all this magic and witchcraft is carried out, blue eyes," I say as if I'm trying to solve a mystery.

Jessie just laughs some more and doesn't stop until she tries to quiet herself down. Grace apparently tells her to get off the phone because her dad needs it and she's covered for her long enough. Jessie quickly says she's gotta go and says goodnight in her sweet voice. I smile and say the same.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day in school Jessie and I meet each other in the hall. She's happy to see me; a plus since I'm the reason why she's grounded. She hugs me anyway and I gladly accept. She tells me her mom and dad discussed what the punishment should be and that's how she figured out why she only got three days. She said her dad told her mom that I influenced her and her mom's response was-Hah, I knew it. Someone that charming can't possibly be all good, I knew there was a secret, wicked side to her. She apparently said all this in a light hearted tone. Jessie just started laughing while telling me all of this. I could only cross my arms and deny it all.

"I can be charming and perfectly well behaved," I reply, "I just enjoy corrupting their daughter," I continue with a crooked smile.

"Hah, well…my mom said you can come over after school today and eat dinner with us, which will of course be take-out," she says rolling her eyes at the end for emphasis.

"Alright, I'm up for it, but instead of take-out how about I cook you all dinner," I say with my usual goofy grin.

"You cook? I don't think I trust that," she says back teasing me.

"Hey now. When I was little I wanted to be a chef so I asked for books and learned form that. I'll shop for everything I need and I'll be there say around…four," I ask uncertain.

"Four would be perfect, homework will be done and mom will be getting home, she has an easy load lately, she's actually been at the house more," she says with a content smile.

"That settles it, I'll see you at lunch then," I say as the warning bell rings. We rush off to our classes in the opposite direction, both glancing at one another and smiling like idiots.

We meet at lunch and everyone is happy that Jessie didn't get into too much trouble. Tad invites her to a party at his house over the weekend on Saturday night. I of coarse am invited without Tad asking. Grace is invited and her crazy friends as well. Everyone is beyond excited; I can't wait till Jessie is ungrounded. Lunch is over and Jessie stares at me longer than usual.

"Are you ok, you're being very quiet?" she asks in a whisper.

"Yeah, just thinking, you know me," I respond in a way that only she understands what I'm implying..how I think to myself and stay out of conversations sometimes. She smiles and nods her head as if saying-what am I going to do with you. The bell rings, we all agree to go to the party and groan about the rest of the day. I promise Jessie I'll see her at rehearsal, drive her home and get groceries after. Periods pass by as slowly as possible and the last bell finally rings, but before I can stop by Jessie's locker she's already gone to rehearsal. I sneak into the back after I gather my things and take a seat without bumping into anything, which really is an accomplishment for me and Jessie knows I'm so clumsy. She looks up even though I tried not to make a sound and lightly smiles. I finally sit down and begin to write out a list of things I need for the food. By the time I'm done writing everything down and spacing out the rehearsal is over and Jessie rushes over to see me. Tad couldn't make it today because of family things and then practice. Grace goes to see Mr. Dimitri for some odd reason or another. We go into the car and don't talk much, Jessie stares at me as if I lost every ounce of sanity. I just smile and keep humming. She smiles backs and rolls her eyes and says she liked the Keane CD.

"We might as well be strangers was my favorite," she states calmly.

"That was my favorite for a few weeks until I played it too much, got sick of it, stopped listening to it for a while and now I love it again…but in moderation," I say happily.

"You're crazy, you know that," she replies with a grin. With that last comment we're at Jessie's mom's house. She's out the door and ready to get her homework done so we can do the usual…listen to music and digest the day. Just before she turns to leave she looks back at me and frowns, saying, "you really are crazy."

"You wouldn't have it any other way and plus I'd be boring and we can't have that," I reply right back. With that she closes the door and goes into the house. Only when the door is finally closed do I leave to go to the store.

The fun thing about being in a grocery store alone without parents is that you feel more independent, this is why I love shopping and why I love to cook. About half an hour later I have everything and I'm back in the car ready to go to Jessie's mom's place. I'm glad I have free time to volunteer and go to parties so I don't become too serious about life I muse to myself. I'm also really glad my parents give me money to do random things like this and I'm sure Mrs. Sammler will enjoy it or at least I hope so.

When I arrive at Mrs. Sammler's house I'm warmly greeted. She's still in her work clothes so I guess she's had a long day.

"Hello Katie, glad to see you and after school is good, not skipping," she teases and jokes but I blush anyways.

"Hi Mrs. Sammler, yeah it was a misunderstanding between me and my synapses. I thought we had half a day for a moment. Wishful thinking I've come to realize," I reply joking back, trying to make her laugh. I've also noticed the Sammler women have the best laughs I've ever heard. Heart-felt and sweet.

"Oh Katie, only you," she replies, "and please call me Karen," she smiles.

"Will try Mrs. Sammler," I say back and by now I've managed to set down the bags of food and heavily sigh just for emphasis.

"What have you got there Katie," she asks curiously.

"Jessie didn't tell you? I'm going to make you both dinner since I think Jessie is getting bored with take-out," I say setting up Jessie so she gets defensive and right on queue from the other room comes a voice.

"I am not, she bribed me into it, she just went off on a tangent about how she wanted to cook for us," Jessie replies back.

"Yeah well, true enough," I say shrugging, "but I also figure since Karen lets me come over every day and raid her fridge I should pay you back so deal with it," I say back playfully.

"I'm very happy for a free meal and a chance to not eat pre-cooked food over and over," replies Karen.

After some more chatting and joking around Jessie helps me with the bags and I sit reading a cook book over again as the door bell rings. Karen goes to get it and there's a tired looking UPS man with a small box. He greats her, asks her to sign and waits patiently as she does.

"I swear I had two packages come today," she says to him.

"I doubt it, I've checked twice and I'm also in a hurry," he replies tiredly. At this point in time I've eavesdropping which it rude but sometimes enjoyable. I lean back in my chair from the kitchen to witness the conversation because I know what's about to happen.

"Would you mind checking again please, if it isn't too much trouble," she says in her most innocent, yet controlled tone. He seems to be thinking it over but she probably smiled at him and then used the secret eye power thing and he softens. I could see it in his shoulders.

"Alright, just one minute," he says and with that he turns around and in a few minutes he comes back with another package. He seems surprised as he hands it over to her and she smiles and thanks him some more.

"Have a nice day," he says politely.

"You too and thank you again," she replies sweetly and shuts the door. Just as the door shuts…

"There!" I scream, "Jessie your mom did it right there. Don't you dare try to deny it, you saw it right from the couch. I saw you!" I say excitedly.

"Yeah yeah, keep your conspiracy theories to yourself," she says back while rolling her eyes slightly.

"What are you two talking about?" Karen says coming over in between us in the middle of the room. Jessie explains and Karen starts to frown and then starts to laugh.

"What?" Jessie asks as if she's missed something.

"I do that to your father all the time," Karen says through laughter, "where do you think you get it from, as Katie seems to think in her realistic, so-called conspiracy theory," she says with a smile to me. Jessie's mouth hangs open and I can't help but say…

"Told ya so." Ha! I'm never going to let this down.


	6. Chapter 6

By the time we settle down and Jessie is done with her homework and Karen is done with finishing her work Jessie leaps up and drags me to the stove. She stares at it then glances away and then stares at me.

"Well," she says as if the food should be ready.

"Hm," I reply calmly.

"Work your magic. I'd like a meal and it better be amazing or else."

"Or else what exactly," I ask curiously.

"You won't be sleeping over here as I planned with my mom but didn't care to tell you for the sake of it being a surprise," she says happily

"Your mom is letting me sleep over here after I corrupted her precious daughter," I reply disbelieving what she said as I poke her in the stomach.

"Yeah, she likes you a lot or it could be your charms that she loves," she jokes.

"Hm, I'm glad I can be of service to cheer her up after she has to put up with you all day," I tease. Jessie just slaps my arm, not in a painful way, but playful.

"Ha Ha. If you don't start cooking you will not have a place to sleep tonight," she jokes back.

A few minutes later after we calm down from laughing Jessie's chopping up vegetables and I'm making the salad dressing, which is my own secret mixing of many things together. Jessie laughs at me as I measure everything out as if I'm doing a lab experiment. A good forty five minutes later we're finishing up and Jessie starts to set the table. It's just me, Jessie and her mom tonight. Eli had band practice and then check out some other band that's their competition or other. Jessie calls me over and tells me to bring the food. I balance everything on my arms as though I'm waitress. This of course leads Jessie to laugh and mock me.

"Awww mom, make sure to give her a good tip, ok." Karen smiles at Jessie's antics, pauses for a minute and then laughs herself. She always does that when Jessie's laughing, I'm not sure why, but I'm sure I'll come up with a conspiracy on it. After I'm done setting everything down and everyone has drinks we all stare at the food. I'm not sure why but Jessie looks really confused.

"What, what's wrong with it?" I ask worried.

"Nothing, it just…it actually looks good," she teases but smiles in disbelief.

"Again, I can't stress how I wanted to be a chef and did I fail to mention my brother went to culinary school for a while and he would teach me because it would help him remember things?" I say back in a tone implying that I kinda cheated on a test.

"It looks very good Katie, I'm impressed," Karen says calmly.

"Thanks," I say nonchalantly.

"There doesn't seem to be any meat, did you know Jessie is a vegetarian," she asks curiously.

"No, I just don't cook meat since eating meat increases your chances of breast cancer by like thirty percent of something like that," I say back.

"Really?" she replies astonished.

"Yeah, I read it in some study. It has to do with the fat in it and the affects on our bodies."

"But Katie, you eat meat," Jessie jumps in.

"True, but I don't eat read meat, only chicken and turkey bothers me because it makes you sleepy from the..ah..triptafen and I eat tuna, but in small amounts."

"Wow Katie, you're so informative tonight. Who woulda known a girl who skips school would be so full of random facts and slight signs of intelligence?" Jessie jokes back. She smiles after she's done laughing at her own joke.

"You still wouldn't have it any other way," I say back.

"Well, lets eat before this food gets anymore cold," replies Karen. Half way through the dinner everyone has had a taste of everything and Karen frowns at her salad.

"Is it ok?" I ask after noticing what seems like confusion.

"Yes, I'm wondering what this dressing is, it's amazing. I can taste things I've had before mixed in but it's very different."

"Thanks, I try. I figure a salad is usually boring so I put in my own things in a random mixture of certain dressings and a little bit of dill to give it a zing, because I'm crazy as Jessie likes to say,'' I say adding a little bit of mockery towards Jessie.

"I love it. What do you use?" Karen asks politely, not in the demanding way my relatives asked when I used it at some family thing.

"It's a secret, but I'll make you a bottle before I leave," I say happily. I love it when people are nice and their tone is considerate, genuinely so. Jessie gets it from her mom, clearly.

Soon we're done with dinner and a few minutes later Jessie and Karen insist on cleaning off the table since I made dinner but I refuse. Soon after everything is clean, Jessie and I excuse ourselves and head upstairs after Karen says that she loved the meal.

Once upstairs Jessie thanks me for dinner also, but soon teases me about it. She still can't believe I cooked it and thinks what really happened is that I had little umpa loompa men helping me out because they got sick of the chocolate factory and Willie Wonka's madness. We laugh and fall into bed together.

"Jess, leave the conspiracy theories to me, ok?" I say back jokingly as we lay closely since its kind of a small bed, but neither of us seem to mind. On occasion I catch my breath because Jessie's hand grazes mine. We get to talking about the day and how it couldn't have possibly been any longer, how I think time slows down in every high school just for the fun of psychological torture.

"You're crazy and I know, I know, I wouldn't have it any other way," she says quickly, leaving me with my mouth hanging half open, my comeback taken from me. All I can do is pout.

"No fair. We need to not hang out so much because I cannot have this madness," I say in a serious tone even though I'm joking. Jessie doesn't seem to think I'm joking. She sits up and looks directly in my eyes.

"Katie, I like you being my friend, I like spending time with you," she says gently but in all seriousness.

"Jess, I do too, I was only kidding," I say light-heartedly.

"Ok," she says taking a slow breath. A few seconds later its dead silent and I don't really know what to do about it so I do the only thing I can. I tickle her until she can't breathe.

"Stop!" Jessie screams through loud laughter. Since I love making her laugh I don't think I'm going to stop unless…

"Say uncle," I say laughing back with her.

"Uncle, UNCLE," she screams. I stop and she remains really close to me. My heart is pounding from all the laughter. Note to self: tickle Jessie more often if it means she'll move closer to me. We stay close like that until we fall into a half sleep. Jessie comes out of her haze and forces me out of my own content state of sleepiness.

"Katie, change into your pajamas and we'll get ready for bed," she says in a parental tone. I swear I heard a hint of Karen's voice in Jessie's. I turn over and mumble that I'm ok and that these jeans need to be broken in anyways.

"Katherine Singer, wake up, change and come back to bed," she says back in a very calm, controlled manner.

"Yes, ma'am," I reply happily but tiredly. I get up quickly after that and declare that Jessie is going to make a very good wife one day. That thought makes me sad in all honesty because…she's not going to be my wife. She'll probably have that nice house in a modern house with two kids and a nice husband…but I get up anyway, slowly, now that I'm depressed and go to change in the bathroom. When I come back Jessie is still changing. Her back is to me but she puts a t-shirt on, it seems like slow motion in my head. Kill me now, someone please, and quickly. I stare, feel bad and look away abruptly. I climb into bed and Jessie soon gets in after me. She turns off the light and turns towards me.

"You ok?" she asks calmly.

"Yeah, just thinking about Tad's party," I say trying to divert my thoughts away from how I can smell Jessie's hair.

"Oh yeah, I um..hate parties so I think I won't be staying there long, but it should be fun until someone does something stupid," she says back.

"It's ok, I'll protect you from the stupid morons," I respond gallantly.

"Ok," she says contently, "I'll hold you to it." A few minutes later we're both asleep and off to dream land.

In the morning I wake quietly and realize my arm is wrapped around Jessie's waist and that her arm is overlapping my own. I stiffen and try to remain calm. I feel her back against my chest, providing warmth. As slowly as humanly possible I take my arm away from her waist chanting in my head I Am A Cat, I Am Stealthy, I Am A Cat, I am Stealth Personified. She stirs a little and goes back to sleep. I go downstairs and I more or less plop down into the chair. Karen looks over at me from the living room and says good morning, half giving me a heart attack. I clutch my chest.

"Hi," I say startled.

"Didn't mean to scare you," she says gently.

"No problem, at least that proves my heart works," I respond, relying on my humor to save me from an awkward moment. Instead Karen comes over and sits next to me. She stares at me for a few seconds, making me quite nervous. Maybe she opened Jessie's bedroom door and saw my arm wrapped around her daughter's waist…

"I wanted to thank you again for last night. It's been a while since we had any real food.." she pauses, "and since Jessie has laughed so much," she says calmly but with an edge of seriousness.

"Glad I could be of service," I say back, relaxing.

"Really Katie, since you and Jessie have become friends she smiles more and laughs more…she has happiness in her voice when she talks. I'm just glad she's made a good friend," she states calmly and smiles lightly.

"I'm glad Jessie's my friend. She's different from the people at school."

"She's amazing. But then again I'm biased. I couldn't have hoped for a more amazing, beautiful daughter," she says with so much sincerity and delight in her voice it makes me sad that my own mother would never say those things about me or even bother to notice.

"Thanks for creating her. She wouldn't be my friend if you hadn't," I respond with sincerity. Karen smiles, puts her hand on my shoulder and excuses herself to take a shower. I sit for a little while longer but go back up to Jessie's room. I get back in bed and just stare at her. She's…beautiful. She's more than amazing. Those are my last thoughts before I fall back to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

When I woke I glanced at the clock near her bed, another hour of sleep. My head falls back on the pillow and that's when I notice Jessie's arm is around my waist. Ahhh Kill Me Now. I wake up completely, slowly move Jessie's hand off of me even though my mind is screaming at me for doing so. She wakes a little while later, smiles and sleepily says good morning in such a cute voice. I smile back, amazed by her and how she can look beautiful in the morning. We don't talk much the rest of the morning, I don't have breakfast as usual and Jessie looks confused.

"Why aren't you eating?"

"I haven't eaten breakfast for years. I always wake up late and that makes me late for school so I forget about it and now I'm just used to it," I reply back dismissively waving my hand.

"Oh," she looks at me and smiles, "ok." After everyone is done with their breakfast I make Karen some dressing as promised, we get dressed and I hop back in my car to go back to my house. What else is there to do on a Saturday morning? I take a cold shower a few minutes after I settle back into my room since its really hot out and then go back to laying on my bed. Just as I'm about to be lost in my random thoughts the phone rings…

By the third ring I pick it up figuring if they really wanted to talk they would be persistent and I figure the third ring is persistent. This is what I call insane-logic. Jessie's gotten used to it by now and finds it amusing.

"Hello," I ask into the phone, mostly everyone I know wouldn't be bothering calling me this early. I mean its eleven o'clock on a weekend.

"Katie, its Sarah. Did you want to get together later?" she asks quickly.

"Ah, hi," I reply groggily, after all I was about to zone out for another hour until lunch.

"Hey," she says happily, overly happy it seems, "You want to get together in a while?" she continues.

"I'm actually busy and I just got in the house so I have some things to do."

"Like what?" she questions but still seems overly cheerful.

"Laundry, eat the remainder of food in the house, grocery shopping once I accomplish that, random things I decide to do off the top of my head like that," I say in a non interested voice since I'm getting bored of my own voice.

"Oh, why don't you give me a call after you're done with all that stuff?" Sarah says back.

"I have plans later tonight."

"Really, what are they?" she questions nosily.

"Just plans I have to do," I respond getting somewhat annoyed at how she's pushing to get together and hang out. Hanging out with Sarah involved pointless things about who's wearing what to school, how bad they looked and the latest gossip. After five minutes of that my brain wants to explode and I even pray in my head that I can return back to my books, but that was before Jessie.

"Are you avoiding me or is it because of that little anorexic Jessie that's gotten you so busy?" Sarah says harshly with a cruel and bitter tone. There's the Sarah I know, the abrasive comment reminding me that she couldn't be happy to talk to me and not want anything behind it.

"No, I'm just busy with what I said I had to do. My parents are out of town, I have to do some grocery shopping and then some daily things such as breathing…walking and sometimes eating," I say back sarcastically.

"You know what Katie, I think you should be more appreciative of the fact that I called, I mean, I'm a true friend. You've only known Jessie for a few weeks, she's younger so she's more immature. So choose, me or Jessie," she demanded in a vindictive tone.

"Ooook, I'll get back to you on that one, the doorbell just rang," I said, thanking something high above or down below. "I gotta go, bye," I say quickly, pressing the off button and dropping it on the couch not wanting to hear Sarah's goodbye. At this point I would have preferred a telemarketer to have called. I checked out the peephole just to make sure it wasn't Sarah on her cell to surprise me. Luckily, it wasn't. a happy Jessie was standing in my doorway with a bag I apparently forgot.

"Hey," I say excitedly causing Jessie to break out into a smile. Sometimes she's so insecure I think she's unsure if I'm excited as she is.

"Hey back," she says pulling me into a hug. Her mom drives away after she waves goodbye. Naturally I wave back and Jessie makes her way up to my room. I guess I can do laundry and grocery shopping later I figure as I follow her. She's comfortable in my house, even though she hasn't met my parents yet, considering they're never here. She lays down on my bed and I do the say.

"So how are you," she asks with true consideration. Sarah never asked me how I was doing, she never really talked to me about anything. She just got the mixed message that I liked her. She kissed me and for a split second I kissed back. The kiss itself was only a few seconds long but Sarah became more…attached I think is the world after it happened and I couldn't bring myself to tell her I only liked her as a friend and now…some friend she was turning out to be.

"Hello-earth to Katie," Jessie says waving her hand in front of my face.

"Oh, I'm sorry I was…thinking," I say slowly.

"I can tell, but who knew you actually think on occasion? It's not just witty remarks and humor in there," she says smiling the whole time. She always likes it when we talk and even if I drift off.

"Um..Sarah just called," I reply cautiously. I didn't know how I was going to explain all the things Sarah told me, "She's ah upset..that I spend time with you and how I'm not being a good friend to her," I say slowly, unsure of my words.

"Oh," Jessie replies, becoming tense.

"What?" I ask unsure of why that's her reaction to Sarah.

"She…ever since the play she always says little things to kind of lash out at me. She constantly tells me that she's your friend and that you'll get bored of me…sooner or later," she says uncomfortably.

"Whoooa," I say cutting her off, "she says I'm going to get sick of you? What he hell, Jessie, you know I'm not going to get sick of you, right? I skip classes to come see you sometimes…"I say trying to defend myself.

"I never thought you'd get sick of me, sometimes her comments hurt though," she says looking away from me. This is so painful. I can't believe I was ever friends with Sarah and that she could be so cruel to Jessie. She didn't do anything. I mean what the heck, she's done more just by existing than Sarah has done trying to do things and be closer to me!

"What did she say…if you don't mind my asking," I say calmly even though I want to yell at Sarah for being such a bitch for lack of a better word.

"That you wouldn't want to spend time with someone who cares so much about her image..and how when you hug me you probably think you're hugging a twig," she says choking up. What the hell! Immediately I hug Jessie after that. She chokes up even more and almost starts to cry but holds back as I rub her back slowly. I release my hold on Jessie and look into her eyes, they look more blue now.

"Jess, I want you to know when I hug you…I feel…better about..everything..I feel..whole," I say hesitantly in case I'm coming on too strong with my emotions but I figure its better to be honest right now than anything else. Jessie starts to cry again, quietly but calmly "Are you ok? I'm sorry about what I said..if it bothers you," I say in a whisper. This moment seems so fragile…as if raising our voices would ruin it, our small world we seem to be in.

"No Katie, I've been happier since..we've become friends. I mean I don't hate school so much anymore, but the truth is there's some…truth so what Sarah said," she says through small cries.

"Jessie, nothing she said was true. She's manipulative and all she cares about it gossip and trivial crap," I say raising my voice knowing that Sarah got under Jessie's skin.

"Katie, she was right about the twig thing..I used to be..I used to have an issue with eating. I mean..I'm recovering from anorexia. That night you saw me at the party, by the pool I was struggling and I felt like no one cared about me or noticed me, but then you did and I have to thank you..so much. I'm happier because of you, but I can't depend on you for happiness," she replies with deep breathes.

"Jessie, you're not a skeleton. Anorexia is not a problem with me, I mean its not…good. I want you to be healthy but I sorta get a part of it…I used to not eat..years ago when my parents didn't even care if I was home or out till three in the morning and I was fourteen. It's not about having a certain image. Sarah is just stupid and I know you're not obsessed with how you look…its about..feeling empty and not eating because you get used to that feeling so you don't want anything in you..that's how I felt anyways. Please don't feel bad, please. You're beautiful," I whisper the last part.

"Katie," Jessie says hugging me.

"And Jess," I say quietly, "you're not depending on me for happiness. Its what friends do, as cliché as it is..that's what friends are for," I say pulling back and smiling at her. She stares at me for a long time, wipes the water away from her eyes and starts to laugh.

"You know, you're such a dork. Only you would say this is cliché and use the line-that's what friends are for," she says lightly laughing through it all.

"Hey! I admit I am a dork but You Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way!" I respond raising my voice then I start tickling her until she can't breathe. I don't even have to tell her she screams Uncle!

We're lying in my bed side by side and I have to tell Jessie the full truth.

"While Sarah called…she asked me to choose between you and her," I say flatly.

"I don't want you to choose," she says, trying to seem fair.

"I choose you," I respond, dead set on my answer. Jessie turns over to look at me, smiles and lays back down. Right now I couldn't ask for anything more.

Hours later Jessie has returned home and I rush to do the laundry, grocery shopping while I ran the laundry, came home, put everything away and got ready for the party. I needed to save my energy to get through talking to drunken people and singing to usually crappy music to amuse myself so I skipped getting clothes from the dryer once it went off. I got ready in fifteen minutes, which is good for me and got in the car to head to the party.

Once at Tad's I noticed all the jocks that seem to tag along together stood in packs, the girls stood off to the side commenting to each other on their butts so I went to the kitchen. Tad's choice in music is pretty awful unless I put something in. Tad was in the kitchen and he greeted me happily. We hug briefly, I punch him in the arm and he tries to mess up my hair but I put my fingers to one of his pressure points that we know makes him fall to the floor. Before he gets a chance to fall he puts his hands up, backs away slowly and laughs like a dumb brother from another family which is pretty much what he is.

"So Tad," I settle in, getting myself a drink, "How many people are going to show up tonight?"

"About fifty I guess. Luckily my dad just finished the patio in the backyard, has some chairs and a couch," he says proudly, likely thinking to himself that he'll make out with some girl on it later.

"Not bad. I'm gonna make a round to see if Jessie's here yet. Don't come up to me unless you're sober or can make coherent sentences," I call back half joking as I leave the kitchen. I make a slow round through the house, a few people stop me to give me hugs and ask if they can get a beer or something, while pointing to my wine cooler.

This is one thing I can't stand about people. They talk to you just to get something out of you. It's rarely ever to try to know someone plus I hate beer.

Though I think these girls are actually trying to hold a conversation with me because I'm me, best friend of Tad and people seem to like me for some odd reason. I quickly point them in the direction and head around the house some more.

I spot Jessie at the doorway. Grace is with her, probably to keep an eye on Jessie or to keep an eye on other people to make sure nothing happens to her either way. I'll admit its nice of her but Jessie has a black belt so I guess Grace is happy to be here since she leaves Jessie alone once she spots me.

"Hi again," I say to Jessie happily. She looks amazing in a light blue tank top and dark jeans. It's amazed how she can make jeans look..well..amazing.

"Hey back, I haven't seen you in ages," she jokes. We hug and then walk around the house saying hello to people while we make out way to the kitchen where Tad is still trying to be a bartender. I laugh at Tad since he's gotten a lot of the beverages on his shirt.

"Thaddeous, I think you missed the cup a few too many times and your shirt didn't deserve to be made into a poor victim,'' I tease him, screaming loudly across the room so everyone can hear. This is our game, who can embarrass who more. Plus his jock friends get a laugh.

"You're right Katie," he screams over the people just as loudly. He quickly takes off his shirt and the rest of the girls nearly squeal with joy. This could make me vomit, not because Tad is disgusting looking, he's in shape, but he's like a brother.

"Tad for the sake of my eyes, put your shirt back on," I scream over the girls who are fawning over him.

"For the sake of my eyes, take your shirt off Katie," one of his jock friends scream. The guy laughs and so does everyone else around him. Before I can even flip the guy off, Tad is on him in a second.

"Dude, don't say that shit to Katie or I'll have you doing pushups for the whole practice," Tad threatens him. I smile at Tad and he smiles back. Tad being the captain of the football team comes in handy and he enjoys using his power. Nice touch I have to admit.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," the dumb jock says looking at me on the first apology and then the floor at the second one.

"Oh, it's no problem," I say back to him casually. He smiles a little as if he just pulled one over me, "but next time you ask a girl to take her top off, slip some money into her underwear because that's the only way that's going to happen for you is if you go to a strip club," I say with an icy tone with a bit of venom underneath.

His smile fades quickly as everyone around him starts laughing at him and some of his friends push into him. At that I leave the room and take a big gulp of my wine cooler. Jessie is to the right of me a second later and starts laughing.

"That was great Katie," she says excitedly.

"It happens," I respond, though still somewhat annoyed. This is one of the reason I won't date guys.

"Hey, I have to go change the music, Tad's choice in talentless crap is too much to take," I say to get a laugh out of Jessie. I go over to my bag and get my I-pod, flip through it to one of my playlists and Jessie ventures off by herself. I finish off my drink and grab another before I head over to the stereo.

I few minutes later, my drink is nearly gone and I have the killers playing, then the shins, some spoon, the headlights, weezer, rolling stones, beck and others as people start to respond energetically to the changes. I make my way through the house again trying to find Jessie. But the time I've been through the entire downstairs of the house I've been here for almost an hour and I drink the last remains of my cooler. I head to the kitchen to get another and stumble onto Grace.

"Sorry about that Grace, you ok?" I ask embarrassed for running into her.

"Yeah, no problem."

"You enjoying yourself?" I ask honestly wondering. Grace seems so tense in school.

"It's not bad. My friends are going to be here in a while so I'll get a break from the stupid popular girl-," she says then catches herself at the end of her sentence. "I didn't mean you're stupid Katie," she says quickly, also embarrassed.

"Heh, we're even. I ran into you after all, but have you seen Jessie around?" I ask growing tired of standing in the middle of the corridor and getting knocked into people in the process.

"Yeah, she's out on the porch with Tad and I really am sorry about the comment Katie. I didn't mean it towards you," Grace calls as I walk away.

"It's no problem," I call over my shoulder warmly as I head to the back door.

As I open the door I realize no one is there except two people and I expected more. It's cool out here and stuffy inside.

The second I step two feet onto the porch I realize Tad is kissing some girl. Not what I wanted to walk in on, but as I turn to leave the girl is wearing a blue shirt and…it's Jessie! I can't believe this. Ok maybe I can because Jessie is straight and I'm in love with her, but it hurts. The only thing I can think of is I can't believe this, it's a little shocking. I didn't know I had actually said it out loud until Tad and Jessie turn around and see me.

"I have to go," I say quickly and leave as fast as possible. I walk quickly through the door and accidently run into Grace. Again! Stupid me! I need to watch where I'm going! I quickly apologize then run into the room and grab my I-pod and bag and hastily leave after putting in a CD that Tad left out before jogging to my car.

In about ten minutes, I'm back home sitting on my bed screaming in my head for falling in love with my friend and how stupid I am. I guess Grace was right.


	8. Chapter 8

I'm so stupid. How could I be so stupid? Fall in love with a straight girl. Ok, I need to calm down. But really how could I be so moronic? I love how this is the one time I feel so comfortable with someone..to really talk to them and she goes and kisses Tad. Why is my heart such a jerk? Why couldn't I keep on loving Natalie Portman from afar? That has more logic in it than falling for Jessie. Ah, but the brain doesn't work with the heart, ever! People do stupid things when they're in love. I fell in love with her because she's real and I shouldn't be angry at Tad. He did what I would have done.

Still, I need to calm down. Inhale, exhale. Keep it going. It's kind of a necessity. Just as I calmed down enough to think clearly the doorbell rang. What the hell! I can't think to myself without an interruption. It's 11:45!

I get out of my bed annoyed, not that I was bundled up in it or anything, but I want some freaking time to myself even if I'm not tired. I almost yank the door open to see a fake, happy Sarah. That was unexpected.

"What?" I ask harshly as I cross my arms over my chest and remind myself I need to calm down but my thoughts catch up to me. Why should I be nice to Sarah when she's been a bitch to Jessie? Everything she ever said to Jessie was uncalled for and said out of complete malice.

"Just wanted to stop by, see if you needed help with your laundry," she replied in a bubbly, annoying tone while looking me up and down trying to look cute. I was still in my party clothes, wearing a green tank top to bring out my eyes a bit and skinny black pants, some gold bracelets to top it off for some reason but mostly because I like the noise they make when they jangle. She keeps looking me up and down and smiling to herself. I hate it when guys do that let alone someone that has no right to be here.

"No, its late Sarah. Go away!" I nearly scream.

"That's no way to treat a friend," she says.

"Luckily, you're not my friend. So it doesn't matter which way I treat you right now," I say back bitterly.

"So that's how it is," she asks her voice instantly going cold.

"It really wasn't that hard of a choice Sarah. Everything that you said to Jessie was uncalled for and I think you know that. And even if you were in your twenties you still wouldn't have enough maturity to match Jessie's. Now leave me the hell alone and stop being such a bitch. There's more to life than trampling on people to get what you want!" With that I shut the door, not exactly a slap but close enough.

A few seconds later, which seemed more like minutes passed. I slowly made my body move, tired of all the emotional drama and thinking. I make my way upstairs but everything seems in slow motion. It really does as if my body isn't catching up with my brains commands. The walls start to fade away and lose their color. It goes black and I'm gone.

In my dream I keep hearing knocking and the doorbell ringing and soon after people shouting. Then I feel something cold hit my face. Slowly I blink my eyes open and there's Tad and Jessie leaning over me. Jessie's holding a glass that I assume had water in it. Tad begins to lift me off the stairs. They keep talking but its muffled, like I'm underwater or on a roller coaster and nothing seems focused.

Tad's grip on my wrist hurts so I try to push him away but I'm too tired so I wipe the water away from my eyes and almost collapse against the wall. Jessie gasps and Tad catches me. I smile at him since I can't put words together. Before I know what going on I'm in the car and Jessie and Tad seem to be freaking out before I fall asleep.

When I come to, there's a doctor shining a light into my eyes. He says something about my vitals and how my blood pressure is back up.

"What's..going on?" I say slowly, even though I'm really freaking out. Why am I in the hospital? I hate hospitals!

"You passed out from not eating Katie. Your friends brought you here. You're doing fine now. We put some fluids in you and you'll be ready to leave in a few hours. Mind the IV, you might be sensitive to it, but try to eat more. Your friends say they see you eat all the time but I know how a teenager's life can be between school, family, friends, a job, a life. You get caught up and forget. Try not to forget," she says softly but with force behind it as though there's no point in debating. She says it in a somewhat parental tone but still nicely with consideration. She excuses herself to check on other patients and not a second after Jessie walks in.

"Hey," she says quietly, "you ok?"

I nod, I swear words are such a pain when you're tired. I wish I had the power of telepathy.

"Please tell me you didn't not eat on purpose," Jessie says with worry.

I shake my head no. She stares at me, worry evident on her face, making her look like her mom. I start to cry then. Not because I'm so tired but because if Jessie was in the position I was in I'd be freaking out too and I don't think I can handle that since I'm crying simply thinking about the idea of Jessie in the hospital.

"Katie," she says sadly as if seeing me cry affects her so much, which I suppose it does. I look up from my blanket. "What's wrong?" she asks concerned.

"Jessie," I say quietly, a little above a whisper, "promise me you'll eat more. I don't ever want to see you…like this..please," I say as a few more tears slid down my face.

"Katie, I am! I never want to be here again, but you need to eat more too," she says growing somewhat defensive.

"I just got caught up in everything I had to do yesterday. Sarah called, I just couldn't think after that. I was so annoyed. Then you came over and I got sidetracked. Then I had to do some chores and then there was the party. I guess forgetting to eat and then drinking really screwed me up," I realize saying it all, "but I'm fine," I finish quickly.

"It's..ok Katie, but you do too much. Why do you do it? Where's your mom and dad? I've never seen them," she questions in a concerned tone.

"They're away on business. They'll be home soon."

"How soon? The doctors could barely get a hold of them," she responded, annoyance in her voice.

"Probably in two months. I don't know exactly," I say getting somewhat defensive. I mean I can handle being by myself and I don't mind doing the work around the house.

"Two months Katie! I've never seen them before and I've known you for a month! You think your parents should leave for that long?"

"I can take care of myself. I get the grades. I go to parties. I have plenty of friends," I reply growing more defensive.

"Katie, that's not it. You shouldn't have to do all those things. It's no wonder you forgot to eat," she says looking at me and then the bed. "I used to do the same thing. I'd worry so much sometimes about my family that I forgot and sure other times I made a point..not to eat, but Katie…its not right to get so..caught up in things to forget," she adds with tears coming to her eyes.

"Thank you Dr. Jessie, should I pay you to be my shrink now?" I say growing more irritated. She flinches a little.

"Katie, I just care," she replies with sincerity. I take a deep breath.

"I'm sorry Jessie. I guess I just..become defensive about things. I know I shouldn't but I've lived with two brothers who taught me that's your basic reaction to pretty much anything and…"I trail off, getting caught in my thoughts.

"What Katie? You know you can tell me. It's ok," she says taking my hand to hold it. I've never held Jessie's hand and it hits me in that moment as she laces her fingers in between mine. I take another deep breath. I have to whisper it. I don't even want to hear what I'm going to say.

"A mother that's a drunk and gets angry all the time..at nothing and tells me to get her things and do all the chores…then..if I don't do them fast enough…she lashes out…you know how it feels to be hit by your own parents?" I whisper into the blanket that's covering me. I can't bring myself to look at Jessie. I'm crying too much and it hurts to think about all that. Jessie breaths in deep and before I can bring my hands to my face to wipe away my stupid crying Jessie's hugging me. That seals it for me, I start crying more.

"Jessie, I'm sorry," I say through silent sobs and the choking in my throat that always annoys me when I cry this hard. "For getting defensive about what you said before…them needing to be home. I just…I don't want them to be," I finish with a tired breath.

"Katie, it's ok," she says as she hugs me tighter. I hug her back, happy that I told her my biggest façade. I grow more tired after that. It hits me that I don't have to be so tense and hold it in. It all…slowly goes out of me. Jessie hugs me more and before I fall asleep again I can't help but think that I trust he and it's going to get better.

A few hours later, after Jessie went home to have dinner with her family and the doctors take care of everything over the phone with my parents, I'm allowed to leave. All I need is a ride. I stood outside for about half an hour which was fine with me. It gave me time to think. About forty-five minutes later Tad pulls up.

"Hop in," he says happily

"Thanks Tad. I owe you. I didn't feel like calling a cab or anything," I say calmly.

"You know it's no problem. Do me a favor though. Don't have this be a weekly or even monthly thing," he says with a smile.

I sigh thinking about how much I probably freaked him out. I'm Katie, his best friend that can take practically anything. I punch him in the arm hard.

"Sure thing, so long as you…be good to Jessie," I reply sadly.

"What are you talking about?" he asks dumbly.

"You both kissed. I recall that moment at least," I say back matter-of-factly.

"Oh well, you didn't stick around long enough to see her push me away and then see us have a few awkward few minutes after," he says sadly and a little hurt.

The nice thing is that the hurt tone doesn't come from his ego. I know he actually cared for Jessie. No matter how many girls think Tad is this stud that dates all these girls. In truth he doesn't and he doesn't go around kissing random girls no matter how much he appears to by his jock friends.

"I'm sorry Tad," is all I can say.

"I'm sorry too. Could you tell Jessie that if she wants we can be friends and forget about the party?" he says somewhat shyly.

"You got it," I say smiling to him.

He smiles back and I'm glad nothing's weird between us, though he doesn't know I like Jessie so that helps.

At that moment Tad pulls up to my house. I get out as he gets out and walks me to my door. He's done this a lot of times and the neighbors think we're dating.

When we get to the door all I say is thanks for the ride and its good we had the talk too. He says he's glad, hugs me and leaves once I get inside.

The rest of the day I spend cleaning the kitchen as slowly as possible. There's really no need to rush after I get the laundry out and put away so I head upstairs to read some.

A couple hours later I wake up refreshed and feeling physically better. All I want to do it take a shower. It's only ten o'clock so no one's going to come over so after my shower I can eat and enjoy myself, maybe watch a movie and really relax, I think to myself as I turn on the water and grab a towel. A wonderful fifteen minutes psses by as I stand under the warm water with soap lathering over my stomach and the cucumber melon smell makes me feel more relaxed. This couldn't be more amazing..only if…I didn't forget to light my vanilla candle.

Just then the god damned door bell rings…so much for my theory that no one would bother to come over. It has to be quarter to eleven by now on a Sunday night. There's no way it's a girl scout selling cookies, though I wouldn't mind the coconut caramel ones right now. I stay in the shower a few more minutes deciding they'll go away but the bell keeps ringing. After debating whether to get out or stay peacefully content I get out once the person or people keep ringing. I push the water off hard, annoyed now that I can't have time to relax. Once my favorite deep red towel is wrapped around me I head downstairs. I check the peep hole to see if its someone doing a prank or worst thought someone trying to get away from a serial killer, but it's not either…it's Jessie! Why is she here so late? Why is she here at all? We have school tomorrow. She has class first period, I have a study hall and can always sleep in. I quickly open the door completely forgetting I'm only in a towel because Jessie being here at eleven can't be good. She stares at my face for a while. I must look like I've seen a ghost cause I have no idea why Jessie would walk all the way over here. After I don't say anything she looks from my face to my feet.

"Katie, you're in a towel. What if I was some creepy forty year old guy that was drunk and just knocking on door?" Jessie says worries and exasperated that I'm standing there with the door open, in a towel for anyone to see me.

I pull my towel tighter around me, clutching my hand to the top of it over my chest and wrapping my other arm over the arm that's holding the towel for extra security.

"I'll send him over to your house so your dad can beat the crap out of him?" I ask jokingly. Jessie almost lets herself laugh. I'm worried now, that should have gotten something out of her.

"Jess, are you ok? What are you doing here?" I ask concerned. She just stares at me. What am I doing? I ask her to come in. She steps in hesitantly, that's a first. I close the door gently and stare at her.

"My parents aren't here…" I say, telling her what she's probably wondering. "What are you doing here Jess?" I ask trying to get her to talk.

"I couldn't sleep. I kept seeing you in the hospital bed looking pale and tired…it freaked me out a lot," she says slowly and sadly.

"You could have just called, not that I don't want you here," I add quickly, "I was just, taking a shower and it's really late," I say to her as I point my thumb in the direction of the stairs.

"I know, but I couldn't sleep and I had to talk to you face to face," she replies tiredly.

"Alright, why don't you hang out in the living room for a while and I'll be down in a bit once I'm changed? You're lucky I didn't put shampoo in yet," I say in a fake annoyed tone that she knows is playful.

She smiles back and takes a seat on the couch.

Moments later after I'm warm in my pajamas I'm back downstairs. I take a deep breath. I really don't know why Jessie's here so I bet its something big that couldn't have waited for tomorrow. I take a seat on the other side of the couch, sit in with a leg under me and one bent, my knee against my chest and wait for Jessie to start talking.


	9. Chapter 9

We stared at each other for what seemed like hours. The odd thing is it was only a few seconds of Jessie staring at me making me more and more self conscious. She would look at the ground, to me and back to the floor.

"I'm sorry for coming over so late…"she started slowly.

"It's ok," I reply calmly, reaching for a blanket to wrap around me. Jessie eyes me slowly and shivers as if the idea of a warm blanket reminded her that she's cold, which wasn't that surprising considering it was a cold night and she was only wearing a sweater.

"Come here," I say calmly yet edging on a demanding tone. She walks over unsure of herself and sits beside me in the corner of the couch facing me. Once she's settled I toss her part of the blanket to cover her. She gets comfortable and takes a deep breath then exhales in a slow manner that makes it seem as if she has some respiratory problems, which she doesn't.

"Ok so…I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking that you…forgot to eat because you have so much to do and it's just not good for you to..do that or right that you have to do so much with everything. And then I kept thinking about how I'm not a good friend because I should have noticed or something and I could have talked to you and reminded you. But I know you'll never ask me for help so I don't know how to help you," she said in a nervous rush, though the last part was said hesitantly.

Rather than get defensive about her statement I thought about it for a moment, staring at the wall…she was right. I wouldn't have asked for her help. My stubbornness would have gotten in the way. Anyway, it's too much of a burden and really no big deal. I'm not saying Jessie is overreacting, just that I'm forgetful.

"Jessie," I say trying not to sound condescending, "it's really not a big deal. It's…"

"It is a big deal. It was to me. I should have noticed. What sort of friend am I to not.." she says cutting me off as tears start to fill her eyes.

"Stop saying that," I say cutting her off in return, knowing what she was going to say next, "I just forgot," I say growing annoyed at the notion that Jessie was blaming herself somehow. Her expression quickly changes once my tone shifted. She seemed to think I was annoyed at her.

"Well Katie, I'm sorry that's all I can say, I'm sorry, ok!" she replied almost screaming.

God I wanted to kiss her then, which was confusing to me cause she was getting angry at me but I just wanted to calm her down. Its not going to happen again and although I'm really grateful that she's worried she doesn't have to be.

"Whoa Jess," I say softly moving a little closer together, "that's not what I meant. You're an amazing friend. You're the only person I ever told…about my parents, my family, what I want after high school, my thoughts. You know how hard it is to tell someone the truth? I trust you with that. I trust you not just because you actually listen unlike everyone else, but because you're a real friend. You're honest, you actually think. You're not afraid to show your feelings, even if you don't know it…you're just real. I love that about you. Do you get that Jess?" I ask, explaining myself while gently touching her knee. She calms down, looks at me for a long time and lightly smiles.

"Ok, but Katie, swear to me if you ever get tired of everything call me over to do..whatever..to just watch a movie, anything. A little break in the day, I'm there," she says happily and almost threatening as if I don't agree we'll have this conversation over again and one is good enough for me.

"I will," I say with a smile. We quickly hug which turns into a relaxed embrace. It certainly isn't a hug anymore, but its not awkward, its comfortable. Jessie rests her head on my shoulder and I close my eyes, wrapping my arms around her waist a little tighter. The clock chimes softly telling its midnight. Jessie's parents will flip if they knew she was out. I quickly release my arms around her, she does the same from around my shoulders though more slowly and looks at me confused.

"It's midnight. I have to get you home Cinderella," I say with a wink. "You know your parents and if they knew you were over here they'd think I was a bad influence and all that since I already made you skip school. And your mother! Your mom won't let me come over anymore and I really like her," I say babbling.

Jessie just stares at me and starts to laugh.

"What?!" I say in an astonished tone. This is not a laughing matter.

"You're talking really fast and it's amazing you're actually making sense for a change," she says with more giggles slipping out even though she has her hand over her mouth.

"Hey now!" I say growing content knowing Jessie isn't laughing at me, "Keep making fun of me and we'll see who drives you home," I say teasing her in a mock tone.

"Yeah right. You wouldn't be that mean, plus you have to drive me home cause it gets colder after midnight and I'll freeze to death if you don't and if I freeze to death then you won't be able to pick me up and drive me to school which I know you looove to do because it gives you an excuse to think you're cool because you have a car and I don't" she says with a witty tone.

"You know. You're absolutely right. I am the more superior one and with great power comes great responsibility," I say in my most powerful tone.

"Wow Katie, you saw Spider-Man way too much," she says laughing and throwing the blanket off of her.

"What can I say? Any super hero that gets his power through love isn't so bad. Though Tobey Mcquire is incredibly annoying," I say getting up from the couch. Jessie is almost half way to the door, she shivers again and I stop.

"I'll be right back," I say quickly and dash up the stairs to get a sweater for Jessie to wear in the car since the heater won't kick in until we get to her house. I come back downstairs and hand her the sweater, a thick dark purple zip up with a hood. She thanks me and puts the sweater on over hers. It looks better on her than me, go figure. Once I get my shoes on and a scarf for the hell of it since my hair is still somewhat wet we hop in the car. The ride is silent but we glance at each other as my Imogen Heap cd plays. It only takes about five minutes to reach her house so we sit in the car a little more.

"Katie…" she says shyly.

"Jess, get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow and give you a hug for being random and coming over to my house at odd hours," I say with a smile, "Oh and for being a great friend," I finish.

Jessie smiles wider at me and doesn't say anything but gets out of the car, turns and waves goodnight then walks inside. After I know she's inside and her dim room light in the attic turns on I drive off.

Ten minutes later I'm back at my house, laying down in my bed, thinking of school tomorrow, hopefully no one will know I was in the hospital…and how I owe Jessie a hug. I begin to drift off into a peaceful, dead sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

The next day of school starts off slowly and tiredly. I wasn't able to sleep much because I was busy being distracted by the idea of a school day being enjoyable; legitimately and actually worthwhile, but not worthwhile in the sense of learning but more…in the sense of hugging Jessie.

Once I pulled up to school, I slowly got out of the car while trying to hold onto my cup of coffee, my notebook and book bag. Before I could even place my coffee on the roof of my car, sensing that I was about to trip, fall, or somehow crash into the ground someone took my coffee smoothly and grabbed my elbow to get my weight centered.

I looked at who had saved me with great timing I might add and I was greeted by a smiling Jessie. A beautiful, giddy smile which then turned into a chuckle. I frowned, my smile slowly disappearing.

"You're an accident waiting to happen." Jessie finally stated matter of factly.

I cross my arms in front of my chest. "That may be true, but that doesn't make it any less wrong that you're a thief."

She smiled again briefly, "My hands are cold." That's true, I thought, her hands are always so cold.

Instead of protesting I crookedly smiled and nonchalantly replied trying to be coy, "Keep it, its like a mini heater anyway…but…you owe me something."

"What?!" she said exasperated, but joking.

"A hug." I say chivalrously. She quickly replies, shaking her head and laughing to herself. She still holds the coffee cup as she leans forward and wraps her arms around my shoulders. I toss my notebook and backpack lazily back into the car, happy that the door was still open and slowly, contently rest my hands on her small waist, slowly embracing her more. She pulled me in even closer, surprising me and without thinking I breathed her in. She smelled like vanilla and before I realized it my fingertips were about to lift the lining of her shirt and trail her lower back when I quickly stopped, became really tense, pulled away quickly and said in a rush, "We have to go or we're going to be late." I turned, grabbed my things and shut the door all without looking at Jessie.

Once inside the doors, Jessie grabbed my elbow, trying to get me to look at her. I stopped abruptly almost crashing into the cup of coffee in her hand. "Sorry" I add quickly.

"It's ok." She said calmly. "What's wrong?"

"I uh…ah just feel a little sick suddenly and I ah..just want to sit down." I replied.

"Oh ok," Jessie said back, trying to believe my lie. I glanced around trying to decide whether to go to my locker or class. "So…I'll see you after class hopefully…if you don't decide to go home," Jessie said trying to look into my eyes.

"Yeah sure," I replied and then turned to walk to class. After I took my seat in class I slouched down almost beginning to feel as though I were sick. Possibly because I had lied to Jessie or the realization that I almost slipped up and completely ruined everything by letting hormones get in the way of rational thought.

The class went by so quickly as I was caught up in my own thoughts. I didn't even notice when the bell rang and Jessie took a seat next to me, staring at me. I visibly jumped when she put her hand on my shoulder, patiently looking at me.

"Hi," I stated, unsure why she was here.

"Katie…are you ok?" she asked worried.

"Yeah," I waved with my hand, as if dismissing the question, "I guess I did need that coffee after all…my brain doesn't feel like working." I continued trying to joke.

Jessie smiled and I smiled in reaction to hers. "I have to get to class…again," I say feigning annoyance.

She gets up from the chair and loops her arm through mine. I go rigid and she senses it. "Katie…" Jessie says slowly.

I let out a stressed breath. "Jessie…" I say waiting for her to say what she wants.

"Why are you being like this? You were fine yesterday. Is it…" she trails off and then her face changes and becomes almost dark as she frowns. "You don't trust me because I know about you and your…family?"

I flinch and she takes that as a yes, but really I was just shocked, that came out of nowhere. "Jessie, that's not it. You know I trust you more than anyone right now…I think…I just need..space…I need to think things through and..and" I say trying to grasp at the words.

"You trust me, but you need space?" she asks trying to understand me.

"I'm sorry," I say staring at the ground. "Can we talk about this later?" I want to get away and the realization that this conversation sounds like we're dating and we're not and I don't know which one bothers me more. We're in the hallway now and I know how much Jessie likes her privacy and not being looked at so she just stares at me and pleads with her eyes for me to continue. "Not at lunch," I say calmly…after school?"

"My house," Jessie asks and states calmly.

"Ok." I reply and then go to the next class, leaving Jessie to stare at my back.

The next classes fly by quicker than first period much to my anxious surprise I find myself heading towards lunch. After getting a seat and taking out my lunch, Tad grabs my orange and throws it into the air and catches it without any problem. I must admit his motor abilities are far better than mine compared to my natural clumsiness but I do happen to have charm, though that seems to be lacking when it comes to Jessie lately. With Jessie on my mind once again, as though she hadn't filled my head all day I'm surprised when she takes a seat beside me and stares at me, waiting for me to say something. I swallow visibly, finally noticing the v neck sweater she's wearing in the perfect shade of blue that makes her eyes appear even more beautiful.

"Hi," I say trying to sound casual.

"Hi back," she said in the same tone.

Luckily, seemingly all at the same time all of our friends sat down and started talking about the day and their complaints and gossip. I decided to tune out and make a strong attempt at avoiding Jessie's eyes. I was surprised to hear my own laughter on occasion and then I on instinct felt myself go tense again as Jessie sat closer and whispered in my ear that she wanted a ride home if it was ok with her.

I turned my head slowly and quickly pulled my head back just as our lips were about to meet. "Um yeah…no problem." And then I turned back to Grace and Russel who were just staring at us. Grace didn't really believe seeing but then decided to start up a conversation anyway.

Out of my peripheral vision I could see that Jessie let out a sign and slowly shook her head. I apologized in my head to her and then was happy when the bell rang, telling us to leave and go back to class. Jessie and I departed without saying anything to one another, consciously avoiding any more awkward moment.

Again once in class I looked out the window, the wall, my notebook, my cell phone…anything so I wouldn't have to think about the ride home with Jessie.

2 hours later I yet again surprised myself as I drifted through the halls and then found myself at few feet from my car, fumbling for my keys. I glanced down into my bag and searched, pushing away gum, mints, my Demon in my view book and then finally found them.

I pulled them out, looked up and was shocked to see Jessie leaning against my car staring at me. I tried to focus on the ground or behind her as I began to open the door. I shivered either from the cold or being unsure and frustrated at being unsure of what to say to her. It was never this hard to talk with Jessie. She then got into the car as I started it. As usual she found a cd she liked from my selection and put one in. We both reached for the volume as Billy Holiday began to drift more through the speakers, but our hands touched and I pulled mine back quickly,

from the contact or her hands being so cold. I turned up the heat a little more and finally said while staring out the window, putting the car in reverse then drive to her house, "There's mittens in the glove compartment…if you want them."

"Thanks." She said with a hint of sadness. I guess this conversation isn't going as well as either one of us expected.

While on the silent drive to her house a light snow began to fall. Without thinking I stopped at a stop sign for a really long time and just stared out at the atmosphere. I even rolled down my window and stuck my hand out to touch the soft flakes.

"It's a little early for snow," Jessie said, amazed.

"Yeah, but it's great," I replied happily and then looked at Jessie who had a small smile on her face and then she shivered. I quickly closed the window and apologized.

Finally we started moving again and we were at her house in about 4 minutes. I parked the car, glanced around the car, her front yard and suddenly was interrupted by Jessie's voice. "Well, are you coming in?" she asked as she already stood outside the car, her arms wrapped around her.

I quickly got out, feeling guilty for not noticing and making her wait. She ran inside and I walked slowly.

Once inside she took off my mittens, placed them on a bench near the door and headed upstairs. I followed, like a zombie, not really wanting to have this conversation, simply because I didn't know what to say. We were both upstairs, I had closed the door behind me and then was hit by the coldness of the place. It was an attic…so it made sense that it was cold. I wrapped my arms around me and then stared at Jessie who stood there shivering and shaking. She looked too small and kind of helpless. I rushed over to her bed and grabbed the blanket off of it and wrapped it tight around her, like a cocoon. She smiled and opened the blanket up for me to get in. I shook my head and finally said, "No, I'm fine."

Jessie looked annoyed as she closed the blanket to keep in the warm. "Katie…why..are you acting like this?"

"Like what?" I replied looking away from her.

"The whole day…you've moved or flinched at me being close to you." She stated unsure.

"I'm fine" I stated again, looking at the floor and then briefly at her eyes and then back to the floor. I hadn't noticed that I started shivering.

"You're lying" Jessie said coldly. I looked at her, letting her tone sink in. Jessie never acted cold.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Stop apologizing," she said shaking her head.

"I can't" I replied.

"God Katie, will you stop being so stubborn and get in here? You're going to freeze. I don't have a heater up here yet."

"I'm really fine," I said through clenched teeth in an attempt to make sure they don't chatter. But before I could stop what was happening Jessie opened up the blanket, stepped forward and engulfed me inside of it, her arms resting on my shoulders and pulling the blanket shut. I stiffened and then put my hands in my pockets. Yes, I was happy about the heat, but not the situation, the closeness, the hazy confusion that Jessie's perfume was causing.

I pulled away trying to create distance but Jessie got annoyed and still held onto me. "Katie, you haven't said what's been bothering you all day..what are you thinking?" she asked while peering into my face.

"I can't say." I mumbled.

"What?" she asked.

"I can't tell you. " I said more clearly.

"Why not?" she asked curious.

I shrugged. "I don't want to…" The sentence was left unfinished as I tried to grasp the words.

"Don't want to what?" she asked calmly.

"That's exactly it, I can't do…what I want…I can't say what I want…I'll hurt you and I don't want to Jessie, but it's inevitable." I said in a whisper as my voice cracked at the end.

"Katie…"she said with sadness. "What's wrong?" she asked pleading.

"I don't want to hurt you," I reply barely above a whisper as I felt a few tears roll down my face.

Jessie reached up and was about to wipe them away when I caught her hand. I couldn't let her touch me, it would only make this harder. She stopped and stared at me while my hand was still holding hers. In an instant she twisted her hand and held mine, bring it to her waist, forcing my arm around her. She released my hand and put her arm back over my shoulder. I clenched my jaw. This is not working, this is not making it any easier, I said in my head.

"You're not going to hurt me," she stated with complete certainty.

"One of us is going to get hurt." I said as another tear fell as I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Katie…please say what you're thinking," Jessie asked worried.

"I can't do this Jessie, I can't…be your friend," I whispered.

"What?" she asked unsure of what I had said or in disbelief.

"I can't be your friend like this," I reply, my voice raising as I took my hand off her waist and stuck my hands in my back pockets.

"Like what Katie? I don't understand. Why can't we be friends? I want to be friends. " she said as her voice rose more in more.

I shook my head, this was all too overwhelming. "Jessie…I can't be your friend if…ah.." I tried to say as my heart beat more in my chest, making me feel it and hear it in my ears.

"If what?" Jessie asked with a mixture of annoyance, impatience, pleading, uncertainty.

"If I want more," I whispered moments later, staring at the floor as I felt her gaze on me. "This…our friendship… isn't going to work if I fall in love with you Jess," I said in a rushed whisper.

Minutes passed and I swallowed the lump in my throat. She didn't say anything as I caught her eyes for a brief second, she frowned and then glanced at my lips in a split second which I did notice, but I wasn't about to do anything about that.

"I'm sorry," I said suddenly, trying to gain my composure. "I should leave…I won't bother you again." I turned then and was about to open the blanket for me to get out when Jessie grabbed my wrist and pulled me back towards her.

"You're not bothering me," she stated calmly.

"Obviously I did…you haven't said anything about.." And to my complete shock Jessie pulled me closer, one of her hands resting on my neck, pulling me closer and before I could think about what was happening her lips were on mine, soft and gentle. Slowly she leaned into me, her body pressing against mine slightly and my arms had to wrap around her waist so we wouldn't fall from the new positions we had maneuvered into. She kissed me more and I was surprised when her tongue grazed my bottom lip. I opened my eyes in an instant and stopped kissing her and took a step back. I took in a deep breath, trying to clear my head, Jessie just looked at me.

"Jessie…I don't want anything you don't want and…"

"I just want to kiss you," she said calmly, cutting me off as a slight content smile formed on her lips.

I smiled and bit my lip…Did she really want this? I asked in my head. Am I forcing her to do this because she thinks we won't be friends if she doesn't? Before I could question it more she pulled me in closer, her warm body fitting together with mine.

"Jess," I said quickly…she stopped. "I…I don't want you to um…" I blushed, knowing full well it would show on my face, "Kiss me…just because you think we won't be friends…I ah..don't want to force you…this isn't an ultimatum…we can be friends even if you don't want this." I finally finished.

"Katie…will you stop worrying and talking so much?" she asked in a light, demanding tone.

"I can't help it. I'm thinking too much. I didn't expect this to happen…I thought you would hate me and I don't want to scare you but…I don't know what's happening. You just want to kiss me…but I," I blushed a deep red knowing what I was about to say, "Oh god…I don't want to be friends with benefits…Even kissing benefits. It's not fair and I…I think you're beautiful and I want to hug you…all the time…but I'm afraid I'm going to break you and that I'll hurt you and I don't want to hurt you in any way…and I want to kiss you but I want you to..um..initiate it because I want you to be ok…with this…or anything." I said in a scared worried rush.

Jessie frowned and considered it all. "Ok…"she replied trying to think it through..."um..first off…I like you holding me..it..makes me feel safe…second you're not going to break me, you can even hug me more right now if you wanted…third I want to kiss you too…ah..fourth..thank you for saying I'm beautiful," with that she blushed," fifth..thank you for letting me decide…that's very respectful and sweet and kind of geeky but knight in shining armor of you," she teased and smiled happily, "and sixth…I don't want to be…um..friends with benefits, as you say…so if you asked…"she finished with a hint and again pulled me in closer, her hand resting on my neck, her fingers slowly gliding in my hair, almost tickling me.

I smiled in response to that and everything as it began to sink in. I bit my lip as I stared at hers. "Can I kiss you?" I whispered in fear of ruining the moment.

Jessie looked into my eyes for a few seconds before a full warm smile crept across her face. "Please," she said sweetly. I leaned down and waited, breathing her in…letting her close the remaining millimeters between us and she kissed me, again pulling me closer, my arms wrapping around her and squeezing her more, pulling her closer to me. She deepened the kiss, smiling into my lips as I placed my hand on her hip, my fingertips grazing her skin. She moaned into my mouth and I smiled at the sound.

It was so happy and still so sweet and beautiful. Everything about her was so soft. Again she trailed her tongue on my lower lip and I allowed her access. I gasped though when our tongues slowly met and in reaction Jessie pulled me in even closer, cutting off every bit of space there was between our bodies. I happily rested one of my hands on her lower back and felt her heat, which was comforting against the cold that was surrounding us.

Then without warning Jessie stopped kissing me and looked at my face which I'm sure looked drugged. I gave a lazy smile and Jessie laughed.

"What?" I ask in mock hurt.

"You look…really cute." she replied.

I raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Jessie replied in a curious tone.

"You look beautiful," I said calmly as a smile grew on my face.

"You keep saying that," she said shaking her head.

"And I will never grow tired of it. I wanted to tell you that the first day I really met you…when it wasn't dark out and so now I'm making up for all the times I wanted to." I reply with a huge smile.

She just rolls her eyes and pulls at the bottom of my shirt so our lips crash together again. Within seconds Jessie makes my heart rate nearly jump out of my body. And then Jessie begins to bite down on my lower lip and then gently sucks on it causing my knees to almost give out so I wrap my arms around her tighter and she bites down on my lip again. I moan and realize that it's time to stop.

I pull away and she looks hurt. I try to regain my breath which has now become labored. "Jessie…I…" I say through breaths.."I think we need to slow down…we don't have to…go so fast."

She smiles and says in a mocking tone, "Do you have to be so considerate?"

"Well…yeah," I say finally controlling my breath, "I don't want your parents to hate me." I frown growing serious.

"Good point," Jessie finally states. "So…"she continues.

"I um…should leave...I ah may have things to do at home…and speaking of your parents they may be coming home soon." I say guessing.

"Can you stay? It's the weekend," Jessie reminded me.

"I completely forgot…I was too…distracted by everything today."

"Yeah…well…I'd like you to stay…if you want," she added.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll stay if I can rush home for a little while and take care of a few things and when I come back we can talk or do whatever you want." I said happily.

Jessie looked nervous for some reason. I frowned trying to think of what she might be thinking. "Jessie. I want you to be my girlfriend, but that doesn't mean we aren't still friends. I want to talk to you and joke with you…and just be with you, nothing has to change if you don't want it to." I said trying to ease the nervousness out of her.

"How do you do that?" she asked calmly.

"What?" I asked quietly.

"I don't know…know what I'm thinking…or feeling," she asked.

"Lucky guesses," I said smiling happily. "But really Jessie, nothing has to change. You set the pace. You can ask me anything and we don't even have to have the label of girlfriend if it's too soon or too much. I just want you to be comfortable."

"I told you,'' Jessie stated, then paused…"you make me feel safe and I want to be your girlfriend," she said smiling.

"Ok," I said nearly ecstatic. "So when I come back you don't have to um…hold my hand or anything in front of you parents or anything, you know that right?" I asked looking into Jessie's eyes.

"Yes, yes," she said nearly in an exasperated tone.

"Ok," I replied holding my hands up as though I was under arrest.

She laughed and then wrapped her one arm around my waist and placing the other on my shoulder, cupping my neck, pulling me closer, kissing me again, very gently and softly. I placed my hands on the sides of her face and slowly trailed her jaw line with my fingertips. She smiled into the kiss and I tried to break off of her mouth. "I have to go now or I'll never leave."I mumbled into her soft lips.

"I can live with that," she replied laughing lightly.

"Jessica Sammler!" I said in shock and looked in her happy, shimmering eyes.

"Katherine Singer you had better come back or you are not going to have a happy girlfriend," she replied with her hands on her hips.

I just stared at her, my mouth open…Jessie could look really…ah..attractive when she's angry. "Scouts honor," I replied doing the hand symbol thing.

She laughed and added, "You used to be in the girl scouts?"

"Yeah," I said frowning, not seeing why she wouldn't believe that, "for a brief period of time until the kicked me out for being too hyper and doing too many cartwheels."

Jessie then doubled over laughing and fell onto the bed. Then I saw the perfect moment and seized it. I tickled her gaining more laughter which was why this was one of my favorite activities to do with Jessie and just as she was about to cry from laughter I got up and rushed to the door, "Hey, not fair!" she called out.

"I'll make it up to you," I called back over my shoulder and then I was half way down stairs. I knew Jessie couldn't catch up to me because she hadn't even caught her breath yet and then I was outside, starting my car and rushing to get back to my house.


	11. Chapter 11

Finally I got home, how I got there unscathed is beyond me, I still felt like I was in a euphoric state. I'm giddy with excitement about my plan and nearly jumping as I got out of the car and walked in.

After I shut the door I looked around and noticed the dismay. The furniture was moved everywhere, a couple of plants had been knocked over. In the kitchen a few dishes were smashed. _This is not good_, I thought quickly…_I need to get what I need and get out, now!_ My head was screaming at me to run on auto pilot, to get in get out, as smooth as possible and then I turned to my room.

Once I turned I didn't realize something had hit the side of my face until I fell onto the stairs. I shook my head thinking I ran into a wall or something but then I heard the voice.

"Where the hell have you been?" she asked in anger, her tone resentful. "The house is a mess, you were suppose to pick up the groceries, I've been starving the past hour!" she said with sheer bitterness. I slowly got up from my fallen position, so I wouldn't provoke her into hitting me again.

_Maybe it's a mess because you caused it and maybe you would eat something if you weren't always drunk and angry I screamed in my head,_ but remained silent and just stared at my mother. She slapped me then, in the same place where she had hit me and for a brief second I felt my head spin and the pain snapped in my brain.

I guess she didn't like my silence, but really there's no way to win with her. So instead I turned and headed for the attic. Reaching what I had come here for I found the heater and grabbed it, carrying it back down to the hallway. But instead of heading straight to Jessie's I decided to rush through my room to find some cover up and I applied it to the side of my face in a hurry, trying not to wince at the pressure I had to put on it, right near my eye and cheek bone…luckily it wasn't my eye. What am I thinking? Luckily? This shouldn't happen at all. God, I can't wait to leave and go to college just a few more months…just a few more and I won't ever have to come back here…unless I want to see Jessie. Jessie! Oh I have to go and give her the heater!

I smiled finally and then headed back downstairs, putting the concealer in the pocket of my sweater. I looked in the mirror and decided it was a good enough job. It'll do. No one will notice. I turned and grabbed the heater, descending the stairs cautiously.

_Let's hope I can just make my way to the door and it'll all be fine once I reach my car,_ I said to myself. But in my rush the last stair creaked and my mother was there in 2 seconds.

"What are you doing?" she asked with more anger and bitterness.

"Going out," I stated calmly, but without any emotion in my face.

"I'm hungry and you aren't going out." She said with fury. I took a deep breath.

"You can make yourself something or you can walk down the street to any restaurant you want, you have the capability, I am going out, I have every right to." I stated trying to sound like how I imagine Jessie's mom would with her lawyer-like controlled tone.

"I made you, you came from me, you are going to do what I say." Yeah, that really works. You tell that to any teenager and they're going to revolt. _Rebellion is in our veins damn it,_ I said sarcastically in my head. I looked around the house again, when I get back I'll have to clean this up and go grocery shopping and laundry…I sighed, thinking about it was tiring.

Instead of being overwhelmed I took the nearest escape route and headed towards the door. My mother saw that as a challenge and hit me again, just as hard as the previous times and magically in the same spot. Tears came to my eyes but I wasn't going to let her see that so I headed almost at a run to the door and then sprinted to the car knowing full well she wasn't going to be able to catch up to me.

Feeling safe as I opened the car door I set the heater inside it on the passenger seat and started the car, pushing the peddle and moving two feet forward I was already buckled and then I nearly sped to Jessie's house.

At the last stop sign before her house I put the car in park and pulled out the concealer as I pulled down the mirror. As I had expected a stronger more definite bruise was forming. I let out an annoyed, tired sigh and began to put on more makeup. One more glance in the mirror and I was satisfied. Without any hesitation I drove to Jessie's and then smiled to myself thinking how happy she'd be to have my little present. It might even be rewarded in kisses now. I put the car in park and thought happily about how so much had changed between us…I mean I might be able to kiss her more…that alone is mind boggling…just how I have a beautiful, amazing girlfriend. Girlfriend…I can't believe I can think that with Jessie in the same relation.

I stopped thinking and grabbed the heater then skipped to the door. Before I could knock on it Zooey opened the door and started laughing at me. "You are such a dork, you skipped to the door…with a…heater. Wow…Katie…that's so sweet you shouldn't have," she said with merry sarcasm.

"You know for such a small child you're wicked. You're on your way to becoming Grace." I said with a smile knowing quite well that would make her pale. She turned to leave in response and I stepped inside.

Lily said hello and Jessie turned her head around to see me from the living room.

"Hi," I said to Lily, "How are you?"

"Great Katie…what have you got there?" she asked curiously.

"Oh you know, nothing like an electrical appliance to say thanks for being my crazy friend," I joked. "I guess it's just as bad as receiving a waffle maker or toaster for a wedding present," I said pretending to think it over.

Lily just laughed and said "well that's very nice of you. If you want to stay for dinner feel free Katie, you know we always like to have you over." Lily said kindly.

"Thanks, I'm just going to go put this in Jessie's room…for fear the next time we find her she'll be an ice cube."

With that Jessie laughed and then pulled me towards her room. "Come on Miss Comedian." Jessie said laughing but pretending to be annoyed.

I complied willingly. We got to her room quickly as she assisted in basically pushing me up the stairs. When we were inside she closed the door and made me put down the heater before she placed her arms on my shoulders and her hands resting gently near my neck. I'm pretty sure she could feel my pulse which had quickened immediately. I smiled and placed my hands on her hips, my fingertips trailing slowly along her skin.

"Thank you for bringing the heater, now I won't freeze to death up here. You didn't have to but it was really sweet. I hope you didn't buy it." She said calmly.

"No, no, it was sitting in my attic and no one's going to miss it," I smiled, "besides I had to do something or I'd be worried for your well being." I said truthfully.

She smiled in response, "You're ridiculously charming." She stated.

I smiled crookedly.

"Would you mind if we lay down, I'm kind of tired." Jessie said as she pulled me a bit closer. "Ok," I said calmly, happy to be so close to her, amazed that it was happening at all. She turned and began to get into the bed. I turned away and knelt down in front of the heater winding the cord off of it and attempted to search for an outlet. I set it on low and then plugged it in. it wasn't very cold but it was cold enough in my head. I went back to Jessie, staring at her before I decided to get in next to her. She lifted the blanket and let me inside. We were a little farther away from where I wanted to be but I swore I would make sure Jessie made all the moves. I scrunched up my face trying to focus on getting warm without Jessie's body heat but soon realized I didn't have to because Jessie was right against me, her hand on my hip gently pulling me closer. I opened my eyes and she was staring at me, intensely, looking at my eyes, my nose, my mouth…she lingered on my mouth longer and I bit my lip.

"Stop doing that," she said suddenly in an annoyed tone.

I stopped breathing then I was so scared, I must have looked like a deer caught in front of headlights because then Jessie laughed.

"When you bit your lip that makes me want to bit your lip," she said calmly explaining.

I let out a visible sigh not thinking about how I had held my breath up until that point. Jessie smiled happily and then kissed my cheek gently and then moved to my neck and then my jaw. At this point I was laying on my back and she was half on top of me, simply resting half of her body on me. She moved to the other side of my jaw and kissed my neck too and lingered, occasionally nipping at my neck and sucking at my skin.

I placed my hand on her lower back and pressed her closer to me, enjoying the contact. She went back to my jaw and kissed it again, barely grazing my skin and she blew on my neck. She then went back to my face and kissed my cheek and then right near my eye. I winced and took in a sharp intake of air.

She stopped abruptly and looked scared. The eye that she had kissed near started to tear and Jessie looked so sad.

A very small tear fell from my eye and Jessie instantly, very gently began to wipe it away. As she wiped it away she looked at my face and then brought her finger up. She looked at it and I did too trying to ignore the pain that the little bit of pressure cause by Jessie's thumb and more tears came.

_Right now I hate nerve endings, it was just a gentle touch and there's no reason to cry. It's just a stupid, instantaneous reaction, _I thought as Jessie then pulled at her sleeve and again wiped away another tear, just barely touching my skin but still making sure to get all the droplets. "Katie…"Jessie said worried. She looked at her sleeve and noticed the makeup on it. She then looked scared as she looked at my face.

_Damn it_, I cursed in my head. _I forgot I put concealer on…damn it…she looks so scared. Quick Katie…do something saying something!_ I scream in my head.

"Jessie, it's fine," I said calmly to calm her down as well.

"Katie, this isn't fine," she said her voice raising. _She kind of sounds like her mother_ I thought, scared but still in control. "You have a huge bruise and you're telling me you're fine. Katie you can't always be fine." She stated in the same controlled tone.

I nodded, knowing that I couldn't reason with Jessie when she had that tone, but tried anyway. "I'll be fine as long as you don't touch it, ok, it's…"

"Don't you dare say fine," Jessie said interrupting me and completely sitting up, taking my heat away.

I shut my mouth and looked away. She placed a gentle hand near my jaw and placed her other hand on my neck, turning my head forcing me to look at her. "Ok," I replied defeated. "You know…we could forget this ever happened and you could, maybe go back to kissing me," I joked, smiled and pleaded.

"Katie." Jessie said in a very serious, sad tone.

"Thought I'd try," I replied shrugging. "How am I suppose to kiss you or touch you without hurting you?" she asked with worry.

"There's…my lips" I replied blushing.

"Katie…it's huge" Jessie said incredulously. "and you still have concealer on…I can't even imagine what it looks like." She said with a shiver.

"Hey, you don't have to be so worried, Jessie, it'll be ok…It's not going to keep going on forever, there's summer and college right after, just a few more months." I said calmly.

"That's your solution? To just wait it out? Katie, it shouldn't happen at all," she said gesturing with her hand for emphasis.

"I know," I whispered. "But trust me Jessie…it's better to just wait and be passive. Confronting her doesn't work that well, trust me…I know," I mumble the last part and smiled bitterly but then cursed at myself because it made my face hurt. I drew in another sharp breath. Jessie looked like she was about to cry. "Please Jessie…don't look so sad…if you're dad comes up here…he's going to think I upset you and I can't stress enough how I don't want him to hate me." I said joking but with a serious undertone to it.

"Stop changing the subject. And you are upsetting me," she said in a rush.

I must have looked like I had been slapped again because Jessie came closer to me and put her arms around me.

"No, no I didn't mean it like that…you aren't…what happened to you is upsetting me. Katie…this can't keep happening, we have to stop her." Jessie finished with force.

I got up out of the bed, away from her embrace and began pacing the room. "Oh no, Jessie, no…last time I said anything back to her she broke 2 of my ribs…no thank you, you know I don't like hospitals and that's a near guaranteed visit." I stopped to look at Jessie, now she looks like the one who got slapped. I rushed over to her and placed my hands on her arms. "I'm sorry…Jess, I'm sorry but those are just the facts and anyways she's lessened her, um, temper over the last couple months."

She nodded slowly looking far off and then finally my face. Then slowly drifted towards the bruise. "I knew something was wrong when you first came in. You were happy and charming and funny…and it was too perfect. You really should go into acting because Lily had no idea." Jessie said trying to think through her thoughts.

"That's the point," I said with a small crooked smile.

"Katie. Let me call my mom." Jessie said suddenly.

"No." I replied firmly.

Jessie just continued to stare at me.

"No," I said again this time with less control.

"Please Katie. I have to help you. What kind of friend would I be, let alone girlfriend if I didn't at least try?" Jessie said her voice controlled.

I stared at her and her beautiful blue eyes, believing that everything will be ok.

"Please," Jessie pleaded with raw emotion. I looked away from her at the floor, her eyes were making this difficult. I weighed out the cons…those seemed to be more important. Physical pain, hospital, people talking, people knowing, possibly not having a home anymore…then the pros…Jessie's mom is a good lawyer…I wouldn't get hurt, I'd have a new life…the cons still won because Jessie's mom might not win. There's always that option.

I looked back at Jessie. She was waiting patiently and then I looked in her eyes and held her gaze. "Ok," I whispered finally, giving in. she came closer to me and hugged me tightly, almost crushing me. She let go of me and then suddenly got up very smoothly and headed for the door. "Where are you going?" I asked scared. She could tell the desperation in my voice and stopped.

"To call my mom." She said in a set tone.

"Jess, please not now, not tonight, it's getting late. I don't want to go through it all now, it's a lot to deal with and I don't want to bother her." I said pleading.

"You wouldn't be bothering her, it's her job and you know she'd do anything for you." She stated factually.

I let out a deep sigh, "Jessie…please I just don't have the energy to do it tonight." I watched her and she let all the tenseness run out of her.

"Ok," she said gently, "but first thing tomorrow," she said with a warning tone.

I nodded. "Will you please come here?" I asked, close to a whine. She complied and came closer to me, placing her hands again on my shoulders and pulling me closer, her lips gently finding mine.

We briefly broke away from the kiss minutes later and we stared at each other, living in every second of it, not wanting to have it end, trying to commit every touch and every texture to memory. "Thank you," I said finally.

"For what?" she asked curiously.

"Everything…and. .being with me…kissing me…it helps a lot and makes my head stop spinning." I said with a light smile.

"Your head hurts?" Jessie asked, the worry coming back into her voice.

"No," I said quickly, clearly lying. She looked at me as though an annoyed wife looks…which was really cute coming from Jessie.

"Katherine Singer I am going to call my mother-Now!" and she turned and headed to the door. I grabbed her wrist and pulled her back gently, my arm wrapped around her waist. I hugged her tighter and let my lips brush her neck as I spoke. It was selfish but I wanted and on some level needed her to stay with me.

"Please Jessie…kiss me," I said as I left small kisses on her neck. I needed the escape and she was the perfect distraction, she's the aspirin to my headache.  
She put her hand on my neck and guided my face to her lips. We kissed again and she pushed me towards the bed. I fell onto the blankets as my legs hit the mattress and Jessie slowly got on top of me, not in a sexual way, no. Just perfectly sweet, in Jessie's way, where it was simply wanting to be close to one another.

I pulled her closer to me and kissed her harder. She moaned and licked my bottom lip asking for entrance. I let her and we kissed and held each other until Grace knocked on the door telling us dinner was ready.

I glanced at the clock. An hour had passed. I smiled at Jessie who got up and helped me as well, stopping to kiss me again before I stood up. My legs weren't used to standing so I shifted my weight back and forth.

I stuffed my hands in my pockets and found the makeup; wonderfully reminding me to cover up any evidence before dinner. I knelt down in front of Jessie's mirror and began putting it on. Jessie studied me as I did it, making me feel somewhat uncomfortable, after all this was a new experience. Someone actually seeing the effects of living in my house. It was like being naked and completely raw, it was making me feel tense knowing that I wasn't in control of my life and that Jessie was witnessing it. I darted my eyes back to the mirror in front of me, happily finished with what the reflection showed me I turned and looked at Jessie who stood there sadly and patiently. She waited for me to be directly behind her and then we headed downstairs to be actors before her unsuspecting family.


	12. Chapter 12

We made our way downstairs slowly descending the stairs. Time to be an actress, I thought in my head. But if I can fool a school I can do it in front of Jessie's family. Before we round the corner into the kitchen to head to their big table she turned around and gave me a soft kiss on my cheek. I gave her a crooked smile as if saying thanks and she smiled back. I always liked that, how we could communicate silently. She turned back around and I followed her. Taking a deep breath I sat down at the table sitting across from Lily and Grace and Zoey as Rick sat at the head looking tired.

"How are you girls?" Lily asked kindly.

"Good," I replied calmly, "How have you been with your new job?"

"It's going better, still a little stressful," she said back honestly. "How's school, Grace has so many projects going on I can't keep up with them."

"Oh the usual, I try to focus but my attention span is like…woooh look at that," I say with a hint of laughter in my voice. Zoey laughs and Grace just shakes her head a bit.

"What," I ask Grace in a light hearted tone.

"Nothing, you still manage to get the grades is all," she responds nonchalantly.

"I do not," I say frowning, looking at the food in front of me that makes me mouth water. While I'm looking at it my mind wanders and I'm glad no one realized I had to be taken to the hospital, being a part of gossip is not my idea of fun.

"Yes you do," Jessie says lightly. "I've seen your papers," she says gently, "I've even thought about saving them to use them for next year," she says in a sneaky voice.

"Oh hah, you cheater," I say poking her in her side, but that's smart of her. I just don't think about my grades because I rarely glance at them. I get them back and shove them in my locker or backpack, it's not worth it, I mean it's not like I'm about to go tell my parents I achieved anything, they wouldn't care either way, so long as I don't get into trouble they couldn't be bothered.

"I'm sure your parents are happy about that," Rick says, breaking me from my train of thoughts. I look back up at the table first at him then Lily who's looking at him and me. Jessie puts her hand on my thigh and gives me a gentle squeeze for support inconspicuously.

"Yeah," I fake happiness. "They gave me the car after I made honors a couple of times," I say modestly, even though I made high honors and the real reason is because my mom didn't want to drive me around anymore so she could be more independent and maybe sit home and be depressed. Jessie squeezes my thigh again and I look at her, she gives me a coy smile, knowing I'm downplaying my grades.

"That's nice of them. I'm so proud of all the ladies in this family," Rick says contently. I nod my head.

We continue to make light conversations and the topic drifts to clubs at school, what everyone's planning to do over the holidays coming up and soon enough everyone's finished eating. I look at Jessie's plate happy that she had a good amount of food as I was the last one sitting, trying to eat the last few bites of my second portion. Jessie looked at me happily.

"Thanks Lily. That was great," I say happily, lightly patting my stomach for emphasis. She laughs and says she's glad I liked it.

After taking my dish into the kitchen I tell Jessie I have to go back to my house and clean up things but I'll pick her up for school tomorrow. She hugs me by the front door and I wave to everyone, saying thanks again and step out. Jessie closes the door behind me after she watches me head to the car.

After I step inside my own house, I take a deep breath after looking around at the dismay. I go to my room and grab a my Beatles CD and head back downstairs knowing I'll need something to keep me in a good mood now that I'm forced to clean the whole downstairs. I place it in the player and press play and Hello, Goodbye starts playing while I grab a bottle of water from the fridge.

I start cleaning the kitchen, throwing out the broken dishes and putting everything back in its place. I start to dance around a bit as I sweep and in less than five minutes the kitchen is neat again. I go to the living room and start picking up a few small tables that fell over, a bookshelf that fell and magazines that fell out. By now I Am the Walrus is playing so I dance around some more half done with the room. Moving the couch into place where it was before, grunting with the effor. I picked up a potted plant I got months ago and place it back near the window, glad it wasn't destroyed. When I turn around, my mom is there and I nearly run into her, not noticing her come in with the music playing. She tilts her head and asks if I've gone grocery shopping with an odd nonchalant tone.

"No, I…" I say back with a tired voice. She slaps me across the face before I can think to say anything else. In shock I turn my head and put my fingers gently to the stinging pain. I'm sure there's going to be a red mark there.

By now Eleanor Rigby is playing and I find it oddly fitting. Really look at all the lonely people…maybe my mom is lonely. She and my dad should have gotten a divorce years ago. They rarely see one another. But I gave up trying to understand why she is the way she is. I used to think it's the depression and the drinking that she uses to try to mask it but either way it's no excuse and I can't change her.

"You were supposed to go and pick things up," she says almost screaming.

I stare down at her. It's odd how I'm taller than her, by at least six inches. But she still gazes at me coldly as if fighting for dominance. I'm tired of this game so after a quick glance at the room that's now clean and the way it used to look I turn to head back to my room. I go over and turn off the player in the process and leave it there wanting to get away from her, not wanting a confrontation.

She's right behind me though and she grabs my shoulder, harshly turning me around, my back slamming into the wall. I clench my jaw. There's nothing to say to her, it only angers her more. I put my hands up protecting my upper body and my arms are near my ribs, making sure they're covered. She doesn't care though. She punches me in the face. In the face! She's never punched me, a slap, a few slaps but never a punch. I rest my head against the wall, in shock for the second time as I lift my hand to my mouth and nose, looking back down seeing small, dots of red.

"Go shopping, now," she demands and I can smell the wine on her breath. I wipe my nose and look at again. More blood appears. Damn it!

"Ok, I'll go now," I say without any emotion. I push off against the wall and go to the kitchen and grab a paper towel, running it under some cold water before I dab it under my nose and on my mouth. I walk to the front door and grab my keys. Before I leave I glance at the clock, its 8:45. I'll be back in a half hour and I'll by her some pasta or something so she doesn't start complaining.

"Here," she says coming to me and gives me fifty dollars, placing it gently in my hand as if what happened a few minutes ago never happened. I try not to flinch when she touches me but I take a step back defensively. She looks at me without any readable expression and I leave.

At the grocery store I keep my head down, thinking about what we need. Things that don't need a lot of work, pizza, bread, cheese, blah blah blah. I walk around putting whatever in, the usual and some fruit. By the time I get everything loaded in the car and back to the house, carrying all the bags in I see her sitting in the living room, with a glass of wine. I try to put everything away as quickly as possible and place something in the microwave for her while she's in the bathroom. I put it in a nice bowl and set it on the table and am about to make my way to my room after ten minutes of that she says coldly, "I wanted a sandwich."

"Um, the deli was closed. They weren't making them anymore," I say with a slight shrug. Again for the third time she punches me in the face and this time her wedding ring catches on my lip. I can feel the small cut. On instinct I cover my face with my hand and run upstairs.

She doesn't follow me, I hear her moving around in the living room. Her glass scrapping the table as she probably indulges herself some more. I look around my neat room and my books and feel as though I'm in a tunnel. Some noises are pitched and are overwhelming while others sound like I'm under water. I look at my alarm clock near my bed. It's almost ten o'clock. I walk over to my mirror and look at myself. My nose isn't broken but it looks different. It's not bruised but it looks a little worse for wear. My lip looks worse. It's swollen a little… it looks like a bug bite. I quietly make my way to the bathroom and splash some cold water on my face and put a dab of Neosporin on my lip thinking that when she gives me that ring, which she will when she dies, she'll probably leave it in her will since she has no one else to give it to I'm going to pawn it.

For a second I feel sick, everything catches up with me. Now that I'm not in shock anymore it plays over in my head and I shake my head to make it stop. I hear a plate crash and shatter downstairs. Ugh! I can't do this again. I run on instinct again, feeling like a zombie as I grab my back pack, another bag and stuff a few clothes in, a pair of sleeping shorts and a red tank top. I don't know where I'm going to go but I'll figure it out after I get in my car. I open my window and slowly climb out, careful to not make much noise.

After I close my bedroom door and shut the light off. Once outside my window I close it slowly and toss my bags on the ground. I step over to our big tree, happy that I put some planks of wood in it years ago when I loved to climb trees. Slowly I work my way down the tree, almost hugging it for support and I leap down after it's a safe enough distance. Gathering up my bags I take out my car keys that were still in my pocket and slip in.

Five minutes later I find myself in front of Jessie's house. It makes the most sense. At the same time I don't want to upset her, but I can't sleep in my car. I'll freeze, but how am I going to get to Jessie? Looking around the dark surrounding I see a hidden trellis; a strong, sturdy looking wooden structure near Jessie's window. Perfect. Thank you, someone or something. Looking around the car to see what I need to take with me I leave my back pack and grab my overnight bag, quietly close my door, lock it and make my way to the convenient structure.

Making sure the bag is set, I have it wrapped around my body and out of the way so I don't get caught in it, knowing me. I place my hands on the wood and slowly begin to climb, making sure my feet are placed securely.

After a deep breath I heave myself off of it and make my way to Jessie's window. I don't know what time it is now but I know she likes her sleep and tries to go to be earlier than me, a night owl.

Suddenly I feel really bad for disturbing her and consider leaving but I'm not sure if I can make it down, going up was easier. I lift my hand about to tap on her window and pull my hand back, still debating. When a chill spreads up my spine I let my knuckles lightly knock against her window. I wait a minute and she hasn't moved. Taking a deep breath I knock a little harder and I hear her move and turn on her light. She looks around her room groggily and I tap her window softer. She turns her head, focusing her eyes and looks at me. She looks surprised but not scared.

She gets out of bed, wearing long, thin pants and a worn in t-shirt. I smile thinking she looks adorable, hot even. Any girl that can look great in just a plain t-shirt makes me swoon. She lifts the window up and looks at me curiously then her face turns to horror and she puts her hands against my face.

"What?" I ask worried.

"Your nose is bleeding," she says with deep concern and annoyance. I lift up my hand and run my fingertips underneath my nose and look at it. There's blood there. Huh, the climb or the exertion must have done something.

"Oh," is all I can say without thinking.

"Katie, get in here," she says gently but with an undertone of command. I lift myself up from my kneeling position and make my way into her room once I put my bag down on the floor.

"I'm sorry…I didn't exactly know where to go and I don't want to get you in trouble. I could leave and maybe go to Tad's," I say a bit above a whisper.

"You're staying," she says in a tone that means there's no debating it.

"Oh ok…but I'm sorry for you know…waking you up and freaking you out," I say just as I lift my leg in and am now completely in her room. She looks at me and before I can fix my shirt that got twisted and move my hair out of my eyes that was partially obscuring my view her arms are tightly around my shoulders. I stand there for a moment and then my arms wrap around her after getting used to her strong hold.

"Jess, I need to breath," I say into her neck. She quickly lets go and looks at my face again, lifting her hand to…

"Don't. Please," I say catching her wrist. She looks at me sadly. "I…I don't like you seeing me like this." I say gently. She nods and retracts her hand, placing it on my waist.

"I'll go get our first aid…"she says looking at me and then turns slowly and heads downstairs. I stand for a few more minutes until I realize I how exhausted I am and I take a seat on the edge of her bed, pulling at the bottom of my shirt. She comes back up, her footsteps like ghosts and sits next to me. She gently places her fingers under my jaw and turns my head so I'm looking at her instead of the floor.

"Do you mind if I…"she asks considerately, tapping the kit that's resting on her lap.

I shake my head slowly, looking at her for a split second and then focuses on her walls. She silently sets to work on unwrapping some alcohol swabs and cotton.

I close my eyes not liking the smell and the fact that she's doing this. Not that I don't love her for doing this. I hate that she's doing it though, that she's seeing this side of my life. I wish I could keep it buried and not have to deal with it. But she's making light, feathery touches on my jaw as if to bring me back to look at her. I slowly open my eyes and she looks at me without judgment or pity, compassion is there instead.

"Katie..Did your mom do this?" she asks gently even though I think she already knows the answer.

I clench my jaw and force myself to not think about it but she senses how tense I am and repositions her hand so that its resting on my neck. Her fingertips slowly rub back and forth against the back of my skin, her fingertips tangling a bit in my hair and it's so gentle and calming. I sigh before looking back up at her.

"Mhm." I say playing with her blanket, trying to keep myself distracted so I don't become emotional. Jessie picks up the alcohol swab and I hold my breath. She slowly moves it under my nose and softly makes sure to get it all off. By now some of it has dried a little and I flinch when she goes over the cut on my lip that was covered by the blood. She jumps a little and looks at me apologetically.

"I'm sorry,'' she says sweetly, a few tears forming in her eyes.

"Please don't cry Jess. I'm ok. It's going to be ok,'' I say mirroring what she told me a few days ago.

"I'm trying not to," she whispers.

I look at the ground, annoyed at myself for upsetting her.

"Katie…you can't keep doing this…god, this shouldn't be happening." She finishes growing annoyed.

I place my hands on her sides, rubbing her skin a little to try to keep her from becoming more upset. I move closer to her and rest my forehead against hers not sure of what to say.

"We need to talk to my mom," she says hesitantly, unsure of if she's pushing too much.

"I know," I say calmly. She placed her arms around my shoulders and pulls me a little closer. She moves her head back and looks at me, not breaking her gaze.

"Tomorrow?" She asks, but still has that tone that I always find cute when it seems she's putting her foot down.

Looking at her for a few seconds, getting lost in her eyes that have become bluer now that she's almost cried I get lost in my thoughts about how I've almost made her cry again. I want to make her happy. I don't want to be the cause of..any of this, anything associated with this.

"Ok," I say looking at her whole face. She tries to smile but gives up half way through, the effort wasted. She turns to the wet hand towel she brought with her and gently places it on my lips, wiping away the alcohol, making sure all the bodily and medical remnants are gone.

Once that's done, with her arm still around my neck, still grazing the back of my head and my arms still around her she leans in and kisses my cheek. I'm thankful and I smile slightly from the warmth.

She pulls back and looks at me to see how I am. I look at her tiredly, drained from today and all the emotions. She gets up and goes over to the window, closes it gently and grabs my bag, handing it to me. I take it and say give a gentle thanks.

"You can change in the bathroom. Everyone's asleep."

I nod my head and grab a few things out of the bag, my shorts, tank top, tooth brush and head down as quickly as I can. I hastily change, trying not to glance in the mirror, but I can't help it.

Once I'm fully changed and I've finished everything else I examine myself. I look healthy. I look tired. I look like someone punched me in the face and my upper lip has a definite small cut on that hopefully heal over night, since it's not a deep gouge. I take a deep breath and let it out in a sigh, turn off the light and head back upstairs as quietly as possible.

Shutting Jessie's door gently I make my way towards her bed seeing her already on one side, leaving enough room for me. I get in and try to relax. Jessie turns over to me and looks from my eyes to the rest of my features, lingering on my lips making me paranoid and self conscious that she's looking at the cut.

"It'll go away," I say without emotion. She moves her head back a little and looks into my eyes again as she slowly moves closer and places her arm across my waist, her hand lingering against my lower back.

"I wasn't looking at that," she says with sincerity.

"Then why…" I say trailing off, uncertain why she would stare.

"You have nice lips…you're beautiful," she lets out in a whisper and an embarrassed tone. I look at her, shocked she would say that. I expected something about…well…the cut, the blood, the whole thing, but she didn't. I relax more. She notices and pulls me closer. I don't know what to say, being thrown off guard I shrug.

"Don't you know that?" she asks as if it's crazy I wouldn't think so.

I shrug again. After looking at my reflection a few minutes ago I don't feel that way.

"God Katie, you're so important to me," she says gently, pulling me closer still. Our legs are forced to wrap around each other and my arms pull her in, appreciating her warmth and soothing touches.

"You're important to me," I say inches away from her lips, falling into another haze smelling Jessie's perfume more. I bit my lower lip, forgetting that it makes Jessie want to…

She leans in and captures my lips with hers, not forcefully but soft and delicately, barely touching in fact, just lingering.

I shiver. It feels so good. She pushes against her arm and rests her body against mine. There isn't any more room between us and she stops kissing me, waiting for me to kiss her more. I slowly glide my hand from where it was on her waist, up her side and cup the side of her head and neck as I pull her closer and ask "Can I kiss you?" as my lips barely touch hers.

"You don't always have to ask," she says with a smile.

"I know, but I like to," I mumble into her lips and I push against her a little more.

"Mmmm," she hums and she sounds so musical, not surprisingly. She has a great voice.

I smile into the kiss as she presses hers against mine harder and licks my bottom lip, asking for permission to deepen the kiss. I let out a soft moan that's escaped my lips once our lips meet and my fingers play with her soft hair some more. Without realizing it Jessie's hand has moved from my lower back and rests against my waist, slowly pushing my shirt up and tingling my skin.

I shudder and kiss her more, she pushes the fabric up and slips her hand under, grabbing onto my hip and applying more pressure with her hand as she moves it up and then trails my back with her fingertips while she kisses me harder. I gasp, Jesus. Ok, enough.

"Jess, we need to stop," I say pulling back, moving my hand away from her neck and bringing it against myself, resting it on my leg, over her arm.

"Why?" she asks as she repositions herself. Hovering over me a little, her lips leaving kisses against my neck that turns into playful nips at my neck and jaw.

"Ugh," I say in frustration and the fact I'm enjoying this too much.

She goes back to kissing me, her lips against mine, but not as gentle as before, though not demanding either. I instantly place my arm around her waist without thinking and she takes my bottom lip biting it softly. A moan escaped my lips to my annoyance and Jessie smiles into the kiss she's started again.

I push her away and she sits up, slightly straddling me. God, I'm an idiot, she looks beautiful, painfully so. But I don't want this, I want…

"Jess, I want to go on a date." I say in a rush. She looks at me confused but then a wide smile spreads across her face.

"A date?" she asks happily with curiosity.

"Mhm," I say resting my hands on her thighs but never breaking eye contact. "A real date, like dinner and a movie or something. We can even do something that won't look like we're…together..if you want," I say trying to be considerate.

We haven't talked about how she feels about having a girlfriend. And I get it. It doesn't matter to me, she's Jessie. Not only a girl but she's so many different facets and has many identities. It's not as simple as loving a girl. It's her as a person, not a gender. It's her personality, her voice…

She leans over me some more and takes my lips into her again. I love the feeling too much to say no right now.

We continue for a few more minutes until I feel her hand slowly pushing my shirt aside and moving up to rest on my stomach.

I sit up then, with my arms wrapping around her waist to make sure she doesn't fall while she continues to kiss me but she stops moving her hands. My movements forcing her to put her arms around my shoulders. Our shifted position has made it so her legs are to the side of my hips as I'm sitting up, our arms around each other for balance. I stop kissing her and look up at her while she gazes down at me.

"Jess, I want to go on a date…perhaps multiple before we…" I say trailing off, not wanting to say the words so I bite my lip.

"You need to stop biting your lip," she says as if the only way we're going to have a conversation is if I stop doing what's become second nature to me.

"Sorry." I say with a smile, then clamp my mouth shut.

"Ok," she says gently, then lets out her own frustrated sigh. "When would you like to go on this date?" she asks playfully.

I think it over, bringing my index finger to my lips and looking off to the side as if in deep thought. Tomorrow she wants me to see her mom. We have school tomorrow, I could skip it and forge a note like I usually do if there's something that looks really obvious…that leaves Thursday.

"Hm, Thursday?" I ask smiling up at her. She shifts her hands to the side of my neck and pulls me up towards her delicately placing her lips on mine again but she doesn't try to deepen it this time.

"Great," she says happily once she pulls away.

"Ok," I say with a lopsided smile and then I pick her up and shift my arm so I can move her to the side of me and place her down on her side again.

She laughs lightly and settles into a sleeping position. She turns her back to me and turns off the light on her side table. I edge closer to her. She gets the hint and moves her back into my chest, her whole body fitting into mine. She turns her head, pivoting her whole body and kisses me on the tip of my nose then goes back to her previous state. We lay like that, my arm over her side, holding her protectively and in a few minutes we drift off to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Waking up proved to be a hassle the next morning, this is always the case with me, but add Jessie into the mix and my arms around her comfortably I see no rational reason to get out of bed. I lifted my head and glanced over at the clock, its bright light telling me it's seven and everyone is going to be up in half an hour. As smoothly as possible I take my arm off of Jessie's waist but her hand catches my forearm and keeps a gentle hold. She turns over and nestles into me more, her arms tucked into her but my arm is still on her side and I try to remove it again. She grumbles and slowly opens her eyes.

"Why are you awake?" she asks quietly.

"I need to leave," I say hugging her a bit.

"No, you need to stay and keep me warm," she says back wittily.

"I'd love to but I promised someone I'd go see her mom…" I say trailing off, my voice becoming void of emotion knowing what the meeting will entail, my mind drifting off to how uncomfortable that situation is going to be. Jessie moves her arm away from her body and places her hand on my lower back, making slow, soothing circles. I close my eyes, enjoying the comfort and she leans in and kisses me on the cheek. After she pulls away I open my eyes and look into hers.

"Ok…she'll be heading to her office at 8 so if you leave now you can catch her at home and that way she'll see you right away," she says gently. I nod my head.

"So I just walk up to her and say hi Karen…sorry to bother you, Jessie told me I should come to you cause my mom likes to hit me sometimes and…" I trail off becoming emotional.

"Hey," she says pulling me in closer , "she's going to do all she can and you know she cares about you, you don't have to tell her anything..you don't want and she'll want to help," she finishes calmly, stroking my arm.

"I know," I say looking at the blankets, "I need to go soon..." I say as I turn over. Jessie lets me leave her embrace and I get out of bed, making my way to my back pack. Scribbling something on a nice sheet of stationary I hand it back over to Jessie, she takes it and reads it over.

"Please excuse Katie, she has the flu and will not be able to attend today, call…." She said trailing off and noticed that I made a forgery. She looks at me unexpectedly. I shrug.

"I do it when I can't go to school, Tad usually drops it off for me, so if you can give it to him, he knows what to do," I say nonchalantly.

"Ok, so I'll see you after school, you'll come over…when you can, when your done seeing my mom?"

"Sure, I.." I take a sigh… "I don't want her to pity me or anything, if we can work it out where I live with one of my brothers..that would be great. I'm sure they'd let me. I mean they know more about me than she does and they're supportive..they know I'm gay and they still love me," I say back looking at the floor realizing that when I told my parents they didn't care for a while and then she became angry, her yelling growing more insistent…I really don't think she cares. By now Jessie is sitting up completely in bed, her covers falling off of her, her t-shirt a little wrinkled but she looks adorable. I smile, forgetting my thoughts and she smiles back lightly. Turning to get the clothes out of my bags I rummage through it and get some dark jeans, a sweater with a hood and another tank top. Jessie's voice stops me from looking for socks and anything else…

"Katie, she's not going to pity you, she'll do her job and she'll do it even better because it's for you," she says soothingly. I nod and stand up to go to the bathroom to change. "Think of it as a date with my mom," she says joking, trying to lighten the mood.

"That shouldn't be hard, she is pretty hot," I say but not really joking. Jessie's jaw drops and I give a crooked smile. Come on, her mom is..um..attractive and that's a compliment, they share the same genes and everything.

"Katherine Singer!" she says in shock. "I don't even know what to say to that," she says exasperated.

"Awww is someone jealous?" I ask with a quirky smile, I find this oddly funny. She glares at me. "Jess, she kind of made you, this isn't surprising and it just means you'll look nice when you're older but you're beautiful so take it as a compliment." I say with a huge grin, I love telling her she's beautiful.

"Fine, you saved yourself right there," she said with her index finger pointed at me accusingly. I laugh lightly and head down a level.

Quickly after changing I stare at the mirror for a second and am a little shocked by what I see. There are some dark circles under my eyes…likely from some bruising and the cut has a scab over it on my mouth. God, Jessie didn't tell me I looked like hell. Shutting off the light I grab the last of my things and head upstairs, Jessie is asleep again, her breathing is calm and steady.

After everything is put away in my bag and slung over my shoulder I make my way over to her and kiss her on her forehead, next to her eyebrow, breathing in her perfume that still lingers and turn to leave but she lightly grabs my wrist and pulls me back, even as she's still snuggled in the same position. I grin as she pulls me closer to her, rolls over, pulls me down and kisses me on the lips, not a very passionate one, but a supportive, sweet kiss. She lets go of my wrist, pulls back, smiles and turns over to fall back asleep.

I make my leave and slip downstairs, careful to not step on any creaky steps. Unlocking the door and quietly stepping outside I'm glad they don't have an alarm system making this easy. Taking a few long strides to my car I unlock it and toss my bag on the passenger seat. It is too early for this, I notice looking at the dew on everyone's lawns and their cars that are still in their driveways…passing out sounds nice right now. Starting the car I glance in the mirror again and then reach into the glove compartment, looking for the little bit of concealor I have, which isn't much. I don't care about wearing make up much…so dabbing a little under my eyes I look in the visor mirror again and am content with the result, everything is covered. Off to go see Jessie's mom…

Before I head to Karen's I make a stop at Dunkin Donuts to grab a cappuccino for myself and some coffee for Karen, why not? It's too early for breakfast, not that I would eat it anyways. Quickly paying and getting back into my car I make sure the coffee is securely in place and drive to Karen's as different scenarios of the conversation playing in my head, growing more and more nervous in the process and sweat begins to bead on my forehead as I work out what I'm going to say, but I stop myself when I find myself in front of their house. Grabbing my cappuccino and her intended coffee I head to the door after noticing its around 7:45. She'll be on her way to work soon I guess as I lift my hand to knock on the door after flexing my other hand to work out some tension. Just as I'm about to tap on it, it opens and Karen steps out, almost running into me. She stops in her tracks and drops her bag.

"Oh god, I'm sorry," I say bending down to pick it up. As I pick it up, balancing the in one hand and setting the other down I wipe my sleeve across my face to get the sweat away and then stand back up once I have everything in my hand. "Here," I say gently, unsure of myself as Karen gives me an odd look as to why I'm here when Jessie isn't and at this hour. Then she looks at me more and her face changes to a look of shock and concern as frowns make their way into her brows and around her eyes.

"Katie…what happened to you?" she asks with a raised tone after she's taken her bag from my hand that was reached out towards her, the other holding the coffee.

"Um..that's…what I came to talk to you about…Jessie said..I mean..I hope you don't mind…me just showing up here…she told me…" I say trailing off, looking at the ground as I feel her staring at me… "I was wondering if I could maybe talk with you," I say looking back up at her. She looks sad and then she takes a deep breath.

"Do you want to talk here or at my office," she asks casually but with gentleness.

"Whatever works for you..I'm keeping you away from your work right now.." I say trailing off again.

"It can wait, you're more important than my work," she says with a slight smile. I smile back, still unsure on what to do. She takes a step back into her house and gently asks if I'd like to come in.

"Thanks," I say taking a step in, glancing at my hands and realize I'm still holding onto two cups. "Oh, this is for you…" I continue, holding out the cup a little ways, "I hope you don't mind, I only got you black…I don't really know what you'd want in it." I say nervously.

"Great, black is perfect," she says taking it from me, shutting the door and moving into the living room. She takes a seat on the couch and I sit in the chair across from it; putting her brief case down and opens it taking out a few note pads and a ball point pen.

Nervously tapping my cup and moving the hair out of my face I glance at the floor and then at Karen who waits patiently for me to begin. A few more minutes of this continues and I can't sit anymore. I get up and start pacing back and forth slowly to try to get myself to relax. I wipe my face again, my long sleeved shirt rubbing across my eyes and cheek. When I take it away and look back at my hand there's make up on it. I stare it and frown knowing that Karen knows before I can even tell her. Placing my hands in my pockets out of nervous habit I stare at the ground again and mumble out…

"I think I should live with one of my brothers and…get emancipated from my parents," I say to the floor.

"Ok," she states calmly, not bothering to start asking questions right now which I'm thankful for. "Who would you like to live with," she asks professionally.

"Probably Thomas," I say with a shrug, "He's great…he's a chef and he's not living with anyone. I think he gets lonely sometimes and he's protective of me…so…that would be nice," I say honestly.

"He sounds nice." She says as though trying to make casual conversation.

"He is, he's the one that taught me how to cook and he's really supportive and kind of a goof ball but he's got a kind heart," I reply happily.

"Do you think he would be willing to become your legal guardian?" Karen asks.

"Sure…I hope so. He lives a couple miles away, I probably wouldn't have to change schools and it wouldn't be that much of a hassle I don't think. I can't see my parents putting up much of a fight," I say gently but sadly knowing that they don't care much about me. She nods her head slowly and continues to look at me without any expression.

"In order for this to plausibly work you would need to get a stable job. It doesn't need to be anything all too serious, so long as you prove that you'll have an income," she says stating the facts. I nod my head in response and frown trying to think of any places that would hire me. There's a new restaurant that opened I could do whatever is available…waitress or dishwashing. A Starbucks opened near Thomas, so that could work. Hmmm…maybe Barnes and Noble.

"Katie?" Karen asks gently.

"Hm…I mean what?"

"Is that going to be an issue?"

"Oh…no. I can go pick up some applications later…" I say dismissively to her concern.

"Alright." She says and pauses, looking me over. "There needs to be a strong reason for someone of your age to petition the court for emancipation. If your parents are going to fight it I would suggest evidence to help your case." Before I can respond I cross my arms over my chest and debate how to say what needs to be said.

"Okay…well…the reason would be…because my mom has become..abuse. I don't know if she realizes it when she drinks but she's never punched me before…" I say drifting off, trying to make my mind stop from replaying the scene in my head. "So...I know it's less than a year left of school and I can leave for college but I think…it would be best to move out," I mumble the last part.

I look up to read Karen's facial expression since I've been looking at the ground the entire time. She's trying not to look visibly shaken but her shoulders have tensed. She takes a deep breath and looks from me to her paper work and back at me.

"There's no easy way of saying this Katie, but we will need to take a few photos of you right now," she says gently. I nod my head slowly expecting as much. I mean I watch Special Victims Unit…I know that there needs to be evidence and visual. Karen slowly stands up and goes to the back room and comes back out with a manual camera. I finally take a seat across from her chair and prepare myself for the ordeal. This creates a mix of so many emotions that its difficult to break them apart, separate them and understand them. It's slightly overwhelming. I place my hands on my thighs and roughly press them into my muscles to my knees and back up in an attempt to release any tension, keeping my head down as Karen gently sits beside me. This is embarrassing…I feel like running out of the house from being forced to share everything I've tried so hard to keep away from people.

"Katie, would you mind if I take a few pictures?" she asks gently, drawing me back to the real world instead of the one in my head where I've made up an alternate world where I have a mother who cares about me, who doesn't drink and overall a mother who makes sure that I never have to go through this.

I turn to her, bit my lip, stop moving my hands on my thighs and force myself to look at her and nod my head. "Do you need me to do anything?" I ask unsure.

"Try to relax and…" she cuts herself off staring at my face more, "you need to take off the cover up," she says gently.

I nod my head, mumble okay and head to their bathroom down the hall. Less than two minutes later I've taken the make-up off, trying to avoid the tender areas and run some cool water over my face.

Taking a seat on the couch again Karen looks me over and looks even more upset. She and Jessie say so much through their eyes that they don't need to verbalize anything sometimes.

After Karen has checked over the camera I lean back into the cushions, pleading for them to swallow me and let me disappear but that dreaming is useless so I close my eyes and pretend I'm back in Jessie's room sleeping in her bed with my arms wrapped around her, curled together, my face buried in the back of her neck, breathing in her smell that so relaxing.

A flash disrupts my thoughts and I squint my eyes tighter and remind myself to relax. Jessie would be holding my hand right now if she could be here…I hope. Actually I don't know if she would in front of her mother. But I know she would at least hug me afterwards, that's something to look forward to. All I have to do is get past this and everything will be okay. Another flash goes off and two more following as I take in deep breaths. I feel my hand being squeezed gently and I open my eyes.

"We're done," Karen says with a slight smile. She seems just as relieved as I imagine I look.

"Okay…do you need any other ones? Was that enough?"

"It'll be enough," she says as some bitterness seeps out.

"Oh…um…do you need to ask me any more questions?" I wonder.

"A few," she says as she gets up from beside me and moves back to her seat, taking her paperwork in her lap. "What is your brother's phone number?" she asks switching back to her professional demeanor. I tell her and she keeps on with the questions.

"Do you remember the doctor who treated you when you had to be taken in from exhaustion?"

I frown trying to remember… "Dr. Cameron," I said sure of myself. She continues to take down notes.

"Have there been any other instances where you've had to be taken to the hospital because of your family?"

I bite my lip before answering, pull at the tips of my fingers and fidget. "Once, last year…a few ribs were broken, but I don't remember the specifics. I kind of blacked out after…it happened," I say while looking at the floor.

"Katie…I know this is difficult but can you tell me what happened before you were taken to the hospital?" She asks concerned. I continue to fidget with my fingers, occasionally cracking them...trying to distract myself.

"I came home from school and the laundry wasn't done. I forgot to go grocery shopping the day before so there wasn't anything to really eat…" I say trailing off, knowing how ridiculous it sounds out loud. "She was drinking when I got back and she had been crying. She's depressed," I say lightly. Trying to defend her, but why am I defending her? Because subconsciously I want there to be a reason for why she acts the way she does? Even though there clearly isn't a reason. Maybe it would be easier if there was one though. Karen nods her head and continues to write down various things, pausing ever so often to look at me.

"What happened once you got inside?"

"Um…I tried to go up to my room but she stopped me before I could make it to the stairs and started yelling at me. I told her she could have gone to the store and then she slapped me. I tried to go up to my room but she grabbed my elbow and pulled me back and so I fell forward on the stairs and…then she grabbed my arm, pulled me up and told me to go get her groceries. I told her I couldn't right then," my voice growing more distant, recalling the event and picturing it happening to another girl that coincidently looks like a twin I could have. "She slapped me and told me to do the laundry. I tried to make my way upstairs again but she pushed into my ribs and pushed me against the wall, I remember it hurt to breathe, because she pressed her arm harder into me…so I told her I would go." I pressed my hand against my head, a headache starting to form a bit, remembering that I agreed because I didn't want her to see me cry or give her the satisfaction that she could elicit such a strong response from me. "Ah…she took a step back and I tried to head to the front door but she pushed me on the stairs and then I felt a sharp pain on my side so I couldn't get up for a while…she told me to do the laundry..so…after I could breathe normally I got up and did the laundry as fast as possible as she sat in the living room. She told me to leave after I was done…when I left the house I called Tad after I got a few blocks away and he came and picked me up and took me to the hospital. I don't remember the rest…apparently I passed out in my car while I waited for him at grocery store parking lot." I finish calmly, knowing I didn't have anything else to share. Karen nods slowly after she's finished writing.

"I'll need to speak with Tad to verify the events and provide more evidence. He might be able to add to it and fill in anything that you may have forgotten," she says in a controlled voice, seemingly set on the case and reaching her goal.

I nod, knowing Tad wouldn't hesitate to do anything for me. He once tried to tell me to move in with him in his own weird way where he attempted to make it sound like a joke.

Karen asked for his number and I gave it to her. She explained that the records for my hospital visit would be documented and easily accessed after I give her my member code and the paper work can be sent to her. I gave her my cards after getting them out of my wallet from my bag and asked if there was anything else. She said it was enough for now, but paused to ask where my father was when I was in the house with my mom.

"He was away on business," I say nonchalantly while shrugging. "He usually is," I continued, but left it in a tone that implied there was nothing else to be said about it.

She nodded her head, stood up and I followed her actions. She stepped towards me and gave me a supportive hug and gave me a reassuring smile. I tried to smile back but not sure if I succeeded. I made my way to the door, Karen opened it and stopped me from walking away by telling me, "Katie, you know you're welcome here, anytime." She says gently but in a way that implies I shouldn't hesitate to stop by if I want to.

"Thanks," I say back with a genuine smile and head back to my car. Once in she smiles and closes the door and after letting out a sigh I drive off.


	14. Chapter 14

Jessie and Katie- everything will change NOTES:

I apologize, this is going to be a pain for anyone to read. I fully admit that I have no desire to write this out, but its been in my head and in notes for months. I wanted to make Katie kind of mean actually and I like the dialog, that's little of it that I worked out. I thought I made her really nice and I figured it was time to tear down the idea that she's the perfect girlfriend. Since no one is perfect.

It has come to my belief that I will never finish this story, as much as its in my head and finished in notes, I'll never finish it so here's the layout so who ever did actually read this knows how it was suppose to turn out and end.

Last I remember…Jessie and Katie were together.

I had it worked out that even though Katie is going through the process of becoming independent from her parents and living with her brother she and Karen talk more and professionally.

In the mean time Katie and Jessie are together but Jessie isn't out to her family or to people in school so she starts to flirt with a guy that's in her school to make it seem to people that she's straight. Grace and Katie watch on from the school parking lot as she flirts and at first Katie gets annoyed and then smirks and Grace eventually comes up and asks shouldn't you be annoyed.

Katie just says yeah, but I see what she's doing, she's not doing a great job but its something she'll have to figure out. Then she'll wait a bit longer till the guy leaves and granted he's a nice guy and Katie vaguely knows him so she doesn't see a huge issue in it.

Later in the week as Katie and Karen keep talking Jessie and Katie start to have tension cause Jessie makes it clear she doesn't want to be out. And Katie says that's fine, she isn't going to force her so again Jessie flirts with the same guy and this time in the hallway of school she brushes Katie off when she asks her if she wants to drive her home so at some point they break up cause Jessie is emotional and overwhelmed (keep in mind I think Jessie is sweet and just insecure and has too high of expectations for herself, in my story she just needs to figure out what she wants and her self value, etc) so Jessie and Katie break up. Its emotional and Katie says she wishes she could be with Jessie but she keeps pushing her away. They agree they love one another and Katie says that should be enough. Jessie isn't sure if it is. So Katie leaves Jessie's attic and goes back to her house where her parents are gone, as always.

The next day Katie calls Karen and they agree to meet at a coffee shop or her office from now on and eventually Katie and Karen end up in court with Katie's mom and dad. Her dad doesn't say much cause he clearly has no idea what to say but her mom says her daughter is lying about the abuse, and that Katie has never been grateful, she's spoiled and it isn't her fault that she's so selfish and then it finally concludes with Katie being allowed to stay with her brother. As Katie leaves the court her mom says she never wanted a daughter and it isn't a loss to see her go so Katie keeps her head up but breaks down crying in her car after Karen tries to talk to her but being Katie (the version of Katie in my story) she's stubborn and pretends everything is fine.

So weeks later after she's moved in with her brother who clearly loves her and supports her she gets a job in a café cause she wants to help buy a couple things at least like groceries and her car and gas and certain necessities. She and Jessie haven't talked, Katie can't bring herself to look at Jessie. Being that she's Katie and she's usually really nice to everyone she just pulls away from people and instead focuses on her job and her school work and for the rest of the semester her grades go up even higher cause she's actually trying and she ends up being third in class after she starts to not be able to sleep and she looks tired often and isn't as boisterous and upbeat as usual. Meanwhile Jessie is the same but tries to act like everything is the same, Katie's just tired so she doesn't bothering pretending, she just wants to get out of high school and go to London somehow. Mind that there would have been some humor thrown in cause Katie's brother is really sweet and protective and its refreshing for her to be in that environment so she embraces it and is relaxed around her brother who she can joke around with, even if she isn't very lively considering she's had to uproot her life and her girlfriend broke up with her.

But before she graduates Katie overhears Grace lecturing Katie about how she needs to talk to Katie cause she (Katie) looks miserable. And then Katie straightens her back more in a way that she tries to convince herself that she's fine and together but she just walks away and doesn't bother to listen to the rest of the conversation.

Grace tries to talk to her and in Grace fashion she tries to get Katie to be honest and open but Katie just looks up from her work as they're in the classroom and says-can you please drop it in a very tired and emotionally wrought voice that makes it seem like she's about to cry so she just can't talk about it and Grace backs off and doesn't try to her again figuring Katie at least knows she can talk to her if she wants. The rest of the day goes on with Katie going through her usual routine of now not talking to people, except Tad who just makes a point to hug her everyday or be goofy to try to get her to smile, which she only smirks, not really genuinely smiling.

One day when she's working at the café a guy comes in and orders his coffee and starts to talk to Katie saying she could be a model and he knows he can get her work and such. Katie frowns and raises an eyebrow and the guy notices she doesn't believe him so he gives her his business card so later than night she talks to her brother about it and she calls the guy to see if its legit so the next day he tells her after a typically, boring day at school that it checks out and so she calls the agency herself and talks to a woman who says she'll be her agent. Two days later the woman shows up at her house and goes over details. She says after she graduates from high school (which is in three weeks) she'll take Katie to London and start her there. In the meantime she starts to meet with modeling coaches, (just think people on America's next top model type thing) to help her learn posture and walking and attitude and such. The woman says Katie is refreshing cause she's honest and Katie shrugs saying she's just tired of people lying so much and says it in a tone that says a new topic is best so the woman tells her they'll go to London after she graduated and Katie is actually happy for a while until she looks over at her brother to see if he can handle her leaving since they've become really close since she moved in with her and he's happy for Katie too.

So Katie keeps going to school and gets training on the side and a few nice but very professional people help her to become more refined. Meanwhile Karen makes a point to come into the coffee shop a few times a week just to talk with Katie. No one noticed at school cause she still walks the same when she's at school and its now quiet so she just does the café work, occasionally trains and continues out the school year focused on school and she's shocked to find out that she got into a college in London. She didn't know she would have been able to go when she applied, it was just a dream but she got in so she's excited and nervous about that. She talks to her agent about being a model and how she still needs to go to college. Her agent is actually happy for her and glad that she wants to pursue her education. Katie also makes other stipulations to her contract.

Soon enough Katie finished up high school and since she's been packing a few of her things for London she's ready to go the day after she graduates and she didn't even go to the graduation but she meets up with Tad much later that night and gives him a big hug. He says the graduation speeches were boring and he fell asleep, she pushes his shoulder and then she tells him she's going to London cause she hadn't mentioned it before. His eyes get larger and then he bluntly asks/basically says-this is because of Jessie (proving Tad isn't an idiot, but a big brother and has been worried about Katie the whole time) and Katie looks away. She stands there with her hands in her pockets but looks up and gives him a hug and says she'll miss him and that she'll fly him out and he can stay with her.

Even though Tad has some money, well his parents do (lets assume) he asks how is she going to fly him there? She smirks and say's my charms of course. And he rolls his eyes, glad to see the old Katie back for a few seconds.

The next day Katie is on a plane to London where she gets settled into a moderate but nice sized minimalist apartment with an exposed brick wall, dark floors, nice lighting a huge bookshelf lining one wall and she then decides to stock up on tons of books so when her agent isn't checking up on her and telling her when to go (a car picks her up and takes her to shoots) she's at school where she's focused on art history for the time being. She liked art and wanted to start there. So she's modeling more and becoming more and more popular month by month and she doesn't really talk to people expect by emailing Tad and sometimes Karen will even email her just to see how she is which Katie thinks is really sweet. She talks with a few models and rarely goes out with them (not romantically, just as friends) so she's focused on school and she doesn't mind modeling, it allows her to dress up and pretend to be someone she isn't so she's surprised that she likes it. So as her popularity rises she's shocked that her agent tells her a fashion magazine wants to interview her. She says she doesn't want to but her agent says it's a good thing and part of the business, blah blah blah so as Katie's popularity rises all she does is spend money on school, her food sometimes when the agency isn't paying for it, lots of books that she burns through and her little car she bought.

So she goes to the interview at a nice restaurant and after the agency picks her up and she's kind of nervous in the car but relaxes by texting Tad and asking him how his life is to distract herself.

At the restaurant she orders a grilled cheese and seasoned fries with water and a milk shake. The interviewer is shocked and Katie reading her mind in a way says she likes to eat, always has. So the interview continues and then it turns and the woman asks/more assumes that Katie has been drinking underage cause there are pictures of her drinking in a bar with other models (one of the few nights she went out instead of staying in) so Katie straightens up in her seat and stops everything she's doing cause she doesn't like the woman's tone. She looks her in the eyes and says those were sherly temples and the woman kind of rolls her eyes so Katie gets annoyed but still remains profession but says coldly, almost resentfully for having to be open about her life-I've had a great role model to never drink. My mother is an alcoholic, I choose not to drink. She finishes coldly and the woman drops it, shocked herself at how Katie disproved her and she moves on to other questions asking why she's never photographed with men with any sexual implications involved, she's always with women in a realistic way or alone and she never does any overly provocative photos. She's never been nude and Katie responds- I don't need to promote the heterosexual normative. It's present enough. I'm also not an actress, I'll be brutally honest and I think that shows in photos. I'm gay, I can't fake an attraction to a guy, its just not in my nature. Its also in my contract that I don't have to be photographed with guys and clothes stay on, she says bluntly.

Again the interviewer is floored but now has some respect for Katie so it ends on a better note rather than the woman trying to get a rise out of Katie. The interview gets printed and is in a good light so Katie is even more popular as she continues school but a break comes up so she flies Tad out for a couple days where she meets him at the airport wearing her new clothes and he's shocked and finds it odd how she looks more refined. Then he falls in love with her car and loves her apartment that has a huge elevator up to it and she bought a nice beg for him and dark blankets and everything for him so he jokes that he's never going to leave and she smirks. Then he says in all seriousness-you only smile when you're getting paid to (my favorite line) and she stops moving around and trying to accommodate him cause his voice is really sad. She just stands and looks him over and asks how he knows? He says he's been getting his older brother to keep in contact with her agent cause without Katie knowing her brother made him keep track. So Tad explains that and says she's looks good but jokes she actually looks like a girl. She stealthily picks up a pillow and hits him in the head.

For a couple days she shows him the town and The Beatles Yellow Submarine and everything and she occasionally smiles but it seems painful. One evening as they're at a fashion event with Tad in a nice but not overly fancy tuxedo and Katie in a nice but classic and simple dress they're politely talking with people and Tad is excited to be surrounded by models and Katie is a little bored so Katie walks away to get a drink (non-alcoholic) and makes her way back over to Tad but runs into someone. She stops dead in her tracks and is lucky she's standing right next to a table cause she sets her drink on in and walks away.

Jessie tries to grab onto Katie's hand, barely touching her hand but Katie flinches away and turns around again trying to make her face appear expressionless. But Jessie can read her eyes that look intense. Katie stands rigid and coldly asks, what are you doing here? As though Jessie is intruding and impeding on her life, which she is in a way. Jessie responds to talk. Katie lightly snickers and tells her-you could have talked to me for months, you should have stayed in the states. Then she shakes her head as though she's trying to clear it and she tries to leave again but Jessie says Katie in a way that makes it seem like she's about to cry. Katie turns around again, this time annoyed and asks irritated, what? There's almost a degree of impatience to her tone as she stands there even though she doesn't have anything to do or anywhere to be. Jessie hesitates looking around at the people feeling exposed but says with sincerity- I love you. I want to be with you.

Katie looks like she's been slapped across the face. She looks around at the people in the room, they're wrapped up in their own things and Jessie just seems really nervous (cause she's out of her element, in a new place, being really honest basically)

Katie's response is-that means nothing. It holds no weight. These people are strangers, they don't matter. Your family matters to you and they aren't here so your declaration falls flat. Katie says without emotion. And she starts to turn away but Jessie barely gets out the word-Katie?

But Katie stops again and looks at Jessie in the face, completely locking eye contact and says-Jess, you aren't my world, you're the destruction of it. This she says with bitterness and resentment, finally some real emotion. Then she finally walks away to the exit, she's sick of being there now. Now that she's walking away Jessie doesn't stop her.

Jessie stands there unable to move but can sense Tad standing next to her at some point. She hasn't let a tear fall but they're brimming her eyes and she doesn't look at Tad, she focuses on nothing and says-that wasn't Katie. (trying to rationalize the moment).

Tad says-no, that's her, she's cold. What did you expect? He asks.  
Jessie says…something else, and swallows the lump in her throat.  
Tad keeps standing next to her and says, "I don't mean to be harsh but you turned her into that, are you going to try to turn her back or just stand there?" he says trying to be diplomatic even though he's annoyed at Jessie for leaving his best friend as a shell of her former self. (cliché wording, but I'm tired) Jessie finally looks at him, tries to subtly wipe her tears away but goes to the exit, trying to remember the way Katie went. When she gets outside it doesn't take long to find Katie, she's the only one there on this well cared for lawn. Slowly Jessie makes her way over and stands about three feet away from Katie, behind her but to the side and about five seconds pass and Katie startles her by asking what now?

Jessie moves closer to her and finally stands in front of her. Even though Katie looks exhausted and like it hurts her to be there and breathing Jessie can't stop herself from stepping closers, smoothly putting a hand on Katie's waist and the left hand near her shoulder, barely cupping her face as she leans closer and kisses her. Katie resents herself for giving in and sighs, frustrated that she's letting this happen but she hasn't felt Jessie with her touching her and her scent in months, too many months she realizes. And she starts to cry, a few tears slipping out and Jessie pulls back and stops kissing Katie, but remains holding her and even though Katie won't open her eyes as though she's willing herself to not be there but Jessie's voice cuts through her desire to escape.

Jessie-I'm not going to leave, I love you, I'm sorry, she says bluntly but with conviction and somehow with a lowered voice. Katie slowly opens her eyes and they're more intense than before even, but they start to soften just a bit. She extends her hand, wants to touch Jessie but is weary as though touching her will hurt so she pulls her hand back and looks at the ground and Jessie very gently moves closer to Katie but is still careful and very slowly Katie moves her arms around Jessie, encircling her. And she loosens her body to fit with Jessie's and breath's in Jessie's smell as she lets her head fall to the nook of the younger girls neck breathing her in a bit more then pulls back to look at Jessie.

Katie says- I hate that I missed you, but I love you. She says softly, barely above a whisper. Again Jessie leans in and kisses her, this time Katie kisses her back fully and with her own desires instead of kissing her begrudgingly because she missed kissing Jessie. This time she kisses her to make up for lost time, but also kissed her like she was going to get hurt again, it was a kiss with great ambivalence. Jessie sensed that Katie felt like this was still going to be it, after this it would be the end, not the start or a new beginning. Jessie pulled back, looking Katie in the eyes that seemed cloudy and still teary.

Jessie- I promise to tell my parents, I want to.

Katie-Okay Jess. Then smiles and moved her hand to Jessie's lower back and the other to her side to hold her more as she leans in and they kiss again.

I think it's a dull ending, even I don't like it but I wanted to give the impression that Katie gave in. I have no intention of writing this all out, so I guess please be content that this is what you got, since my bones hurt as they sometimes do and as much as I'd love this to be really written out its just not going to happen. Feel free to share your thoughts and thank you for reading these notes. Its all I have to offer. Enjoy yourselves.


End file.
